Ok, so it's fair to say that I don't have the easiest job in the world and to clarify, I'm talking about my "main" job. Facilitating for a 9 year old boy with ADHD was never going to be a walk in the park, but it's actually been fairly ok so far. We've had our ups and downs, but it's been manageable on the whole. Today...? Well, today was a totally different story.
After a fortnight of him being deliberately naughty and generally choosing to misbehave, today he took it to a new level. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that he pushed his boundaries and they snapped. In glowing technicolour! No, I didn't hit him or anything :-). I sent him home. Talking to him on a day like today is like hitting a brick wall. You might as well not bother. In the end, the decision to send him home wasn't an easy one. We've never done it before, but it was the only available choice today. At least he now knows that the "red card" is NOT an empty threat!
Somehow, I feel as though I failed him today. I'm cutting myself a fair bit of slack though because I know that both the school and his folks have days like this all the time and it's my first one! To be honest, my days are often emotionally and physically draining and I find that I'm wiped out by the time I leave school. It can be really hard to get my "groove" back for not only my office work and the projects I have on the go there, but also for tutoring in the late afternoon.
One of the big things that keeps me going though is that I know that I'm making a difference to him. To how he interacts with the world and also with how they interact with him. I just feel so .... well, exhausted.
So... if I'm ever weird with you on the phone, via sms or email or in person... my apologies. My mind has probably melted and pooled somewhere else.
Leave a message and I'll get back to you ok? :-)
Until next time.
Hugs,
Me
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Passion...
I'm a firm believer in following your passion. I also believe that if you are doing something that feeds your spirit and makes you feel at peace with yourself, then the universe will work with you on that. There are so many things in my own life that I could use to illustrate this, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to tell you about this amazing person that I met this week.
His name is Andrea and he is Italian. That isn't what makes him amazing though :-) He is a gifted photographer, artist, videographer and snowboarder (amongst other things), but one of the things that he is passionate about is travelling. How did the universe help him out? Well, he entered a videoblog contest on National Geographic and won a trip around the world! How awesome is that?!?!
He is a true original, someone that is so totally comfortable in his own skin and a true joy to spend time with. I envy him his journey, but thanks to his phenomenal skills with a camera and the art of web design, I can travel vicariously through him. With this in mind, I have to recommend that you all pay a visit to his website... www.haero.com/blog.
TRUST ME. It's worth it!
'Til next time.
Hugs,
Me
His name is Andrea and he is Italian. That isn't what makes him amazing though :-) He is a gifted photographer, artist, videographer and snowboarder (amongst other things), but one of the things that he is passionate about is travelling. How did the universe help him out? Well, he entered a videoblog contest on National Geographic and won a trip around the world! How awesome is that?!?!
He is a true original, someone that is so totally comfortable in his own skin and a true joy to spend time with. I envy him his journey, but thanks to his phenomenal skills with a camera and the art of web design, I can travel vicariously through him. With this in mind, I have to recommend that you all pay a visit to his website... www.haero.com/blog.
TRUST ME. It's worth it!
'Til next time.
Hugs,
Me
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Go on, be honest...
I'm sure we've all heard the saying "honesty is the best policy" sometime in our lives. Well - I really do believe that that is true. My Mom always used to tell us to be honest with her if we'd done something wrong and she promised us that as mad as she might get, it would be nothing to how mad she would be if she had to find out from someone else later. I tried it once. She wasn't kidding.
The trouble is that even if we try to live an honest life and try to treat those around us honestly and with a good heart, we cannot expect them to do the same. In fact, the chances are that most of the people around us are anything but truly honest. They're not honest with you, with other people and they're certainly not honest with themselves.
It's a funny thing, but dishonesty eats you alive. I'm not talking about the fib you made when you said you liked dinner the other night even though it was burnt or how you told your Great Aunt Gertrude that the butt ugly vase was just what you wanted. Sometimes, we have to do these things. I'm talking about the ugly, soul destroying lies that we tell to ourselves and to others. We think we've hidden them so well, but they change us in ways that are extremely visible to those around us.
Sometimes we lie inadvertantly, but unfortunately, there are times when the lies we tell are not inadvertant. They grow from a deliberate choice we make when we set out to achieve something through dishonest means. We don't really care who we hurt and we will tell any lie that we need to in order to achieve our goals. If you were to confront someone with the evidence of what they are doing, they would deny it vehemently and try to turn it all on you. They simply cannot see what they are doing because the most powerful lies we tell are to ourselves. These lies change us too.
For example: You and a colleague both want the same promotion. You've always been friends, but now you find that you're prepared to do anything for the achievement of the promotion. Or, perhaps you find yourself jealous of something one of your friends has - an object, car, house, girl/boyfriend, job, etc. The more jealous you are of that person, the more resentful you become and the more resentful you become, the more you will pick fights with them, accuse them of things that aren't true and treat them like crap. Worse still, the worse you treat them, the more you blame them for your behaviour. If you take it too far, you end up destroying the friendship. Your behaviour will reflect how ugly the dishonesty is making your soul.
Being honest with yourself is the hardest thing in the world. It requires you to look inside your heart and look past all the bullsh*t and smokes screens that you've built up for yourself and take a good long look at what you find. It could be that you need to do this to see how you really feel about a person or situation or that you simply need to re-evaluate aspects of your life. No matter what the reason, it is hard to do, and you may not like (or expect) what you find.
Here is the challenge... be honest with yourself. Identify areas of your life that can be improved and figure out how to do it. Take a look at your friends, colleagues, job, etc. Are there things you can do without? People that just stress you out? Are you doing things because you feel obligated to? Are you hurting people by what you do or don't do? All you have to do is be honest... ultimately, people will respect you for it.
It's hard. Believe me, it's VERY hard, but it's not impossible.
Until next time,
Me
The trouble is that even if we try to live an honest life and try to treat those around us honestly and with a good heart, we cannot expect them to do the same. In fact, the chances are that most of the people around us are anything but truly honest. They're not honest with you, with other people and they're certainly not honest with themselves.
It's a funny thing, but dishonesty eats you alive. I'm not talking about the fib you made when you said you liked dinner the other night even though it was burnt or how you told your Great Aunt Gertrude that the butt ugly vase was just what you wanted. Sometimes, we have to do these things. I'm talking about the ugly, soul destroying lies that we tell to ourselves and to others. We think we've hidden them so well, but they change us in ways that are extremely visible to those around us.
Sometimes we lie inadvertantly, but unfortunately, there are times when the lies we tell are not inadvertant. They grow from a deliberate choice we make when we set out to achieve something through dishonest means. We don't really care who we hurt and we will tell any lie that we need to in order to achieve our goals. If you were to confront someone with the evidence of what they are doing, they would deny it vehemently and try to turn it all on you. They simply cannot see what they are doing because the most powerful lies we tell are to ourselves. These lies change us too.
For example: You and a colleague both want the same promotion. You've always been friends, but now you find that you're prepared to do anything for the achievement of the promotion. Or, perhaps you find yourself jealous of something one of your friends has - an object, car, house, girl/boyfriend, job, etc. The more jealous you are of that person, the more resentful you become and the more resentful you become, the more you will pick fights with them, accuse them of things that aren't true and treat them like crap. Worse still, the worse you treat them, the more you blame them for your behaviour. If you take it too far, you end up destroying the friendship. Your behaviour will reflect how ugly the dishonesty is making your soul.
Being honest with yourself is the hardest thing in the world. It requires you to look inside your heart and look past all the bullsh*t and smokes screens that you've built up for yourself and take a good long look at what you find. It could be that you need to do this to see how you really feel about a person or situation or that you simply need to re-evaluate aspects of your life. No matter what the reason, it is hard to do, and you may not like (or expect) what you find.
Here is the challenge... be honest with yourself. Identify areas of your life that can be improved and figure out how to do it. Take a look at your friends, colleagues, job, etc. Are there things you can do without? People that just stress you out? Are you doing things because you feel obligated to? Are you hurting people by what you do or don't do? All you have to do is be honest... ultimately, people will respect you for it.
It's hard. Believe me, it's VERY hard, but it's not impossible.
Until next time,
Me
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
How Appropriate...
Considering the subject matter of my post from yesterday, I found one of my emails rather appropriate... all things considered :-)
To put it bluntly, I'm getting rid of the stones in my life. After all, all that stones do is weigh you down. They add no value and there is precious little point to having them around. Trust me - it sounds more harsh than it's meant to.
Never take someone for granted
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize that you've lost a diamond
while you were too busy collecting stones
To put it bluntly, I'm getting rid of the stones in my life. After all, all that stones do is weigh you down. They add no value and there is precious little point to having them around. Trust me - it sounds more harsh than it's meant to.
----------oOo----------
Some of you may have realised that the title of yesterday's blog is a line from a song. Well, I was listening to one of my favourite CD's last night and there's a line from a beautiful song (which I absolutely love), which goes like this:
"There's always some reason to feel not good enough"
I'm sure that we've all been there in our time and I know that I've been feeling it a lot lately. I guess the trick is to look beyond the sense of failure and find all the things that you're good at, that you've achieved or that you love. List them if necessary. However, if you're going to give in to the feeling so wonderfully expressed above... make it one night and make it a doozy!!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
That's Just Who I Am This Week...
It's been an interesting few weeks and although life is heading back towards normal (huh! "normal"), it's still taking a while for me to sort some stuff out in my head. I'm full of things that I want to write, but the problem with a blog is that sometimes you can't write what's in your head because you never know who will assume it's about them. So... ultimately, it's simply safer not to put it out there. Especially if you're still hurt, angry, frustrated or confused when you're writing.
Doesn't mean that it's not written down - after all, it's so cathartic to get it out onto 'paper' - all it means is that some stuff can't be posted. Of course, this creates the impression that I'm not writing... well - I promise to post something "real" soon.
Doesn't mean that it's not written down - after all, it's so cathartic to get it out onto 'paper' - all it means is that some stuff can't be posted. Of course, this creates the impression that I'm not writing... well - I promise to post something "real" soon.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
A Life Full of Changes...
It's been almost a month since I've last posted. Some may say that this is because I've lost interest in blogging, but this simply isn't true. The truth is, it's been a really strange month all round and there hasn't really been time for just sitting down and writing. I've been dealing with some changes at home and I have to admit that it was a lot easier than most people would have thought. Then there have been some busy weeks where I was working up to 3 jobs a day and then managed to get it down to only 2 and finally... 1 per day. Hee hee. It's not really so bad... just a bit busy.
Over the next few months, my life is going to be extremely hectic. I have 3 big functions coming up and I have to confess, I'm really enjoying the challenge. I only hope that I can get it all running smoothly on track.
One of these functions is a task that I've appointed for myself. It's a fundraising project for a cause close to my heart - and in order to document it, I've started a blog where I can talk about it to my hearts content. You can take a look at it here...
http://shackleton1722.blogspot.com/
Anyway, until next time - which will be soon... I promise,
Me
Over the next few months, my life is going to be extremely hectic. I have 3 big functions coming up and I have to confess, I'm really enjoying the challenge. I only hope that I can get it all running smoothly on track.
One of these functions is a task that I've appointed for myself. It's a fundraising project for a cause close to my heart - and in order to document it, I've started a blog where I can talk about it to my hearts content. You can take a look at it here...
http://shackleton1722.blogspot.com/
Anyway, until next time - which will be soon... I promise,
Me
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Amazing Parents...
Well, today is Fathers Day. I've said it before - and I'm not ashamed of repeating myself - I am a total "Daddy's Girl". Don't worry - my Mom knows that this is true. It doesn't mean that I don't love her, just that he's "mine" as it were. On the whole though, I have just about the best two parents that anyone could ever wish for. My brother is awesome too, but that's another blog altogether.
Let's start with my Dad. There is nothing that my Dad can't do. He is educated in the art of self education and is never afraid to learn a new skill if there's something he needs done. Everything from computers to woodwork, metalwork to gardening, tractors to motorcycles, babies to psychology, police work to guest house manager and about a million things in between!
He's a complex person - possibly the MOST complex person I've ever met. He's the chef in the family, always making sure that there's something yummy heading our way. He is definitely the person you most want in your corner and the one you want to piss off least! When he believes in you, there's nothing that you're not capable of doing and if you lose his trust, it's pretty much gone for good. He'll back you up when you're right and help you when you're not. He's the best judge of character that I've ever met and - yes, I'm admitting this in writing - he's pretty much never wrong!
He is also extremely good at surprising you at the oddest times - like when you're down and he just seems to know it or when you're worried and he offers help out of the blue. He's also totally logical and practical, but has a temper of note :-). He can be completely objective in any situation. He also has a wicked sense of humour!
We have the (mis?)fortune of sharing a star sign, which means that we have very similar personalities. This can often lead to a clash, but we always manage to sort it out in the end. I think it's hard for a Father to see his daughter as a grown up (even if I don't always feel like one), but he knows that no matter what... I'll always be his baby girl!
My Mom - wow! It's one of the first words that springs to mind... WOW! She is probably one of the best friends a girl could ask for. And no - I'm not kidding! As a kid, she was 100% Mom, totally into eating your veggies and all that, but now she is also my friend... a really cool person to hang out with and do stuff with. She's great to talk to and although I don't always follow her advice, I definitely always listen to everything she has to say. It's a benefit of having a smart Mom!
She has such a talent with so many things. She's an admin Goddess (I've mentioned before), she's incredible with people and she's fantabulous with anything creative. She says that she hates to cook (it's not in her job description), but she's actually really great at it. Creative, inventive and modest! I think my Dad has rubbed off on her :-)
She also works incredibly hard in every area of her life and often has the stressful job of standing between the rest of us when we're fighting or just disagreeing in general. One of her biggest talents in these situations is that she's a helluva lot like Switzerland... (no, not cold and full of chocolate!)... she's totally neutral. It can be a real pain if you want her to just take your side and back you up, but it's also great to know that she's always going to be that way. She shares a lot of the qualities that make my Dad so great. She's also a great judge of character and - again - is pretty much never wrong. She can be very emotional (like me), but also has the ability to put that aside (unlike me) and be logical and practical about a situation. She is always there with a smile or advice or a hug when you need it - the best hugs in the world!
She'll also always do anything she can to try and help you. But be warned, you do NOT want to cross her as she has a serious temper. You don't mess with her or her family.... it's such a joy to watch when she's "unleashed" on an unsuspecting tyrant... trust me, I could sell tickets! She doesn't tolerate bullying or unfair treatment of anyone by anyone and is not afraid to speak her mind. She has an evil sense of humour and has been known to keep you in fits of giggles for hours.
I guess you could say that just some of what makes these two people so incredibly great is the following.
Let's start with my Dad. There is nothing that my Dad can't do. He is educated in the art of self education and is never afraid to learn a new skill if there's something he needs done. Everything from computers to woodwork, metalwork to gardening, tractors to motorcycles, babies to psychology, police work to guest house manager and about a million things in between!
He's a complex person - possibly the MOST complex person I've ever met. He's the chef in the family, always making sure that there's something yummy heading our way. He is definitely the person you most want in your corner and the one you want to piss off least! When he believes in you, there's nothing that you're not capable of doing and if you lose his trust, it's pretty much gone for good. He'll back you up when you're right and help you when you're not. He's the best judge of character that I've ever met and - yes, I'm admitting this in writing - he's pretty much never wrong!
He is also extremely good at surprising you at the oddest times - like when you're down and he just seems to know it or when you're worried and he offers help out of the blue. He's also totally logical and practical, but has a temper of note :-). He can be completely objective in any situation. He also has a wicked sense of humour!
We have the (mis?)fortune of sharing a star sign, which means that we have very similar personalities. This can often lead to a clash, but we always manage to sort it out in the end. I think it's hard for a Father to see his daughter as a grown up (even if I don't always feel like one), but he knows that no matter what... I'll always be his baby girl!
My Mom - wow! It's one of the first words that springs to mind... WOW! She is probably one of the best friends a girl could ask for. And no - I'm not kidding! As a kid, she was 100% Mom, totally into eating your veggies and all that, but now she is also my friend... a really cool person to hang out with and do stuff with. She's great to talk to and although I don't always follow her advice, I definitely always listen to everything she has to say. It's a benefit of having a smart Mom!
She has such a talent with so many things. She's an admin Goddess (I've mentioned before), she's incredible with people and she's fantabulous with anything creative. She says that she hates to cook (it's not in her job description), but she's actually really great at it. Creative, inventive and modest! I think my Dad has rubbed off on her :-)
She also works incredibly hard in every area of her life and often has the stressful job of standing between the rest of us when we're fighting or just disagreeing in general. One of her biggest talents in these situations is that she's a helluva lot like Switzerland... (no, not cold and full of chocolate!)... she's totally neutral. It can be a real pain if you want her to just take your side and back you up, but it's also great to know that she's always going to be that way. She shares a lot of the qualities that make my Dad so great. She's also a great judge of character and - again - is pretty much never wrong. She can be very emotional (like me), but also has the ability to put that aside (unlike me) and be logical and practical about a situation. She is always there with a smile or advice or a hug when you need it - the best hugs in the world!
She'll also always do anything she can to try and help you. But be warned, you do NOT want to cross her as she has a serious temper. You don't mess with her or her family.... it's such a joy to watch when she's "unleashed" on an unsuspecting tyrant... trust me, I could sell tickets! She doesn't tolerate bullying or unfair treatment of anyone by anyone and is not afraid to speak her mind. She has an evil sense of humour and has been known to keep you in fits of giggles for hours.
I guess you could say that just some of what makes these two people so incredibly great is the following.
- They are totally neutral and fair minded in any situation.
- They are individuals in a society full of conformists.
- They are wickedly funny and share a sometimes dark, sometimes oddball sense of humour.
- They are the best people to have supporting you in any situation.
- They are always willing to help you out, even if they knew you'd end up needing help to begin with.
- They are open and welcoming to other people. They are the kinds of people you WANT to spend time with.
- They enjoy spending time with you. They make you feel wanted and welcome.
- They are quietly supportive of all the people in their lives - be they family or friends.
- They compliment each others strengths and weaknesses.
- They never give up.
- They are always willing to try new things or learn something new.
- They will NEVER be 'old fuddy-duddies'
- They are totally comfortable in their own skin. What an example to grow up with.
- They are always honest.
- They are willing to allow new people into our family - and share their love with them.
- They love each other.
A million other reasons that I haven't listed here!
Everything that I've said applies not only to their own 2 children, but also to the people that have been "adopted" along the way. You know who you are and you know that it's true.
So, to my amazing parents....
I love you!!!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
For Love...
For he who has been loved by a woman, truly loved, is forever changed - made whole. And she for her part, having gifted to him a part of her heart, shall forever be less and yet, no less capable of love.
For the Price of a Ticket...
Have you ever noticed how so many things promise to change, enhance, repair, solve, etc your life? There's a pill to make you happy, a pill to make you thinner, there are spa's to help you relax and shelves full of books by people who have become obscenely rich telling us things that are total common sense at the end of the day.
There is one thing though that does seem to work - on a short term basis - when you're feeling as if it is all going to get on top of you. For the price of a movie ticket, you can allow yourself to escape all the drudgery of your life, escape the sadness, anger, stress, etc and for a little while, you can live a new life. A better life.
It seems funny to think that redemption can be purchased for the price of a ticket.
Of course, in all fairness, many of you will argue that there are other things that can have the same effect and I agree with you. No... not recreational drugs (although I'm sure that that works for some of you). The other things that can afford you a break from your own life include theatre, music, a good book, even a television programme. The trick is that it has to be something into which you can escape. A place where you feel safe or challenged or loved or scared. Whatever it is that you need when you're escaping from reality.
So... for the price of a ticket. Get out there and live a little fantasy why don't you :-)
Hugs,
Me
There is one thing though that does seem to work - on a short term basis - when you're feeling as if it is all going to get on top of you. For the price of a movie ticket, you can allow yourself to escape all the drudgery of your life, escape the sadness, anger, stress, etc and for a little while, you can live a new life. A better life.
It seems funny to think that redemption can be purchased for the price of a ticket.
Of course, in all fairness, many of you will argue that there are other things that can have the same effect and I agree with you. No... not recreational drugs (although I'm sure that that works for some of you). The other things that can afford you a break from your own life include theatre, music, a good book, even a television programme. The trick is that it has to be something into which you can escape. A place where you feel safe or challenged or loved or scared. Whatever it is that you need when you're escaping from reality.
So... for the price of a ticket. Get out there and live a little fantasy why don't you :-)
Hugs,
Me
Sunday, June 03, 2007
All Out Communication...
You know, one of the greatest tools available to us mere mortals in this fantastic day and age is communication. We have satelite phones, cell phones, land lines, cordless phones, pagers, sms, IM, Live Chat, SKYPE, e-mail, faxes, letters, hand written letters, body language, sign language, and of course - talking.
Isn't it highly ammusing then that so many of us don't bother to use ANY of these tools to really communicate with each other? We hold all this rubbish inside us until we feel as though we're going to burst and then - when we can't take it any more - we unleash all this toxic crap on the person nearest us. Or the person most willing to just take it.
Are you an unleasher? Are you a taker?
If you examine that type of situation, the whole *expletive deleted* unpleasant episode could have been avoided by just taking the time to talk to the people around you. Ever considered that a rational conversation could avoid a lot of unpleasantness later? Of course, talking isn't really enough... pay attention, this is the REALLY hard part....
Isn't it highly ammusing then that so many of us don't bother to use ANY of these tools to really communicate with each other? We hold all this rubbish inside us until we feel as though we're going to burst and then - when we can't take it any more - we unleash all this toxic crap on the person nearest us. Or the person most willing to just take it.
Are you an unleasher? Are you a taker?
If you examine that type of situation, the whole *expletive deleted* unpleasant episode could have been avoided by just taking the time to talk to the people around you. Ever considered that a rational conversation could avoid a lot of unpleasantness later? Of course, talking isn't really enough... pay attention, this is the REALLY hard part....
You also have to be HONEST!!
I can imagine all the protesting going on... "of course I'm honest", blah blah bullshit. Being honest means that you have to allow that no matter how ugly it is, the other person's point of view could be right. So... let's say that that person has accused you of being a bigot, a slut, a control freak, a piece of shit, etc, etc - you have to be able to step back and really look for the seed of truth in what they have to say. Then you have to have the honest to God balls to admit it - to yourself and to them. Only then can you both really talk and move on.
The problem is that not all people are able to do this. We get so indignant, so pissed off at the accusation, that we aren't able to look beyond that anger. We can't see that maybe we've been behaving in a way (or saying things) that has lead to the accusation. Who knows, maybe that person does admit to themselves that there might be some truth to what's been said? It's sad how badly the human race communicates to begin with and then to add all the lies and crap in on top of it... is it any wonder we sometimes wonder if there's a point to the whole thing?
Anyway - do yourself a favour. PHONE a friend today, pop round to their house. Leave the sms's and emails for another time.
Until next time,
Me
Friday, June 01, 2007
One Last Time...
Play it again Sam.... (as it were). After this post, I'm going to be done with this shit - I hope. I've decided that I'm not posting any more of this side of my life. First of all because posting about it keeps it alive in my head and secondly because there are people who think that I'm trying to send personal messages to them and I'm not! Additionally, this is an expression of MY opinion and how I feel today. Tomorrow I may feel totally different, but I won't actually know that until I wake up, so deal with it.
To Pooh Bear - NONE of this is aimed at you. You know that in your heart of hearts, because you of all people have been allowed to see how I feel about all of what's happening in my life at the moment and not just one small part. Please don't take any of this onto yourself ok?
I'm not including the whole thing for obvious reasons... there's a lot of repeated lines!!
"In The End"
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
*some text missing*
kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
*some text missing*
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Just Another Fool...
Feeling sick always leaves me in a strange state of mind. In this case - contemplating all the lovely, interesting turns that my life has taken over the past few months. Wondering where the seams started to unravel, wondering if I could have stopped it all going horribly wrong if I'd just caught it early enough. Trying to convince myself that there's no point to wondering at all. You may as well wander off for all the good it'll do you.
Then there are all the songs that my sub-conscious mind is throwing at me. Sometimes it's the whole thing that applies and other times, just selected lines, but any which way, my mind is full of music. I almost wish I could say that it's driving me nuts, but in a strange way, it's helping me to sort it all out at a time when there is little help forthcoming.
Of course, something else that has been very helpful is this blog. It's a bit like having a personal diary - only difference is that you basically make it available for the world to see. It's extremely theraputic to be able to 'talk' and think things through out loud as it were, but something that I guess you have to bear in mind when you're writing is that you have readers (potentially). This means that even here, in your own space, you have to make choices. You have to chose if you're going to be honest to yourself, or edit your thoughts towards the people that may or may not be reading.
I think it's safe to say that this blog will exist in the same way as the rest of my life. I will be honest about what I think and feel and if you have any questions or issues, you should feel free to raise them...
Anyway - I think I hear my 'flu meds calling me from the comfort of my bed, so I'll see you all again soon.
Until then,
Me
PS - the title of today's post is a line from an Anne Murray song which has been on my mind.
Then there are all the songs that my sub-conscious mind is throwing at me. Sometimes it's the whole thing that applies and other times, just selected lines, but any which way, my mind is full of music. I almost wish I could say that it's driving me nuts, but in a strange way, it's helping me to sort it all out at a time when there is little help forthcoming.
Of course, something else that has been very helpful is this blog. It's a bit like having a personal diary - only difference is that you basically make it available for the world to see. It's extremely theraputic to be able to 'talk' and think things through out loud as it were, but something that I guess you have to bear in mind when you're writing is that you have readers (potentially). This means that even here, in your own space, you have to make choices. You have to chose if you're going to be honest to yourself, or edit your thoughts towards the people that may or may not be reading.
I think it's safe to say that this blog will exist in the same way as the rest of my life. I will be honest about what I think and feel and if you have any questions or issues, you should feel free to raise them...
Anyway - I think I hear my 'flu meds calling me from the comfort of my bed, so I'll see you all again soon.
Until then,
Me
PS - the title of today's post is a line from an Anne Murray song which has been on my mind.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Chicken Soup
Why is it that things like the 'flu think that they can just show up unannounced and uninvited? I felt pretty good when I went to sleep and when I woke up - YUCK!! You know it just isn't fair - I hate being sick and feeling disgusting.... it's not even a great excuse to just stay in bed any more. I have too much to do.
I'm really excited though - my Dad gets back tomorrow. He's been gone for only 2 weeks, but it feels like FOREVER!!! Yes - I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a total DLG (Daddy's Little Girl), and proud of it!
Anyway - it's time to leave the office, stock up on chicken soup and head for my duvet. Hope that all you lovelies have a great weekend!
Hugs,
Me
I'm really excited though - my Dad gets back tomorrow. He's been gone for only 2 weeks, but it feels like FOREVER!!! Yes - I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a total DLG (Daddy's Little Girl), and proud of it!
Anyway - it's time to leave the office, stock up on chicken soup and head for my duvet. Hope that all you lovelies have a great weekend!
Hugs,
Me
Thursday, May 24, 2007
In a Sad Song state of Mind...
Nothing is so good it lasts eternally,
Perfect situations must go wrong,
But this has never yet prevented me,
Wanting far too much,
For far too long,
Looking back,
I could have played it differently,
Won a few more moments,
Who can tell,
But it took time to understand the man,
Now at least I know
I know him well
Wasn't it good?(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness,
He can't be mine?
But in the end
He needs a little bit
More than me,
More security,
He needs his fantasy and freedom,
I know him so well
No-one in your life is with you constantly,
No-one is completely on your side,
And though I'd move my world to be with him,
Still the gap between us is too wide,
Looking back,
(Looking back)
I could have played it differently,
(I could have played it some other way),
Learned about the man,
Before I fell
(I was just a little girl)
But I was ever so much younger then,
(Maybe, so much younger then)
Now at least I knowI know him well
Wasn't it good?(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness,
He won't be mine?
Didn't I know?
How it would go,
If I knew from the start,
Why am I falling apart?
Wasn't it good
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness,
He won't be mine?
But in the end,
He needs a little bit
More than me,
More security,
He needs his fantasy and freedom,
I know him so well,
It took time to understand him,
I know him so well
Perfect situations must go wrong,
But this has never yet prevented me,
Wanting far too much,
For far too long,
Looking back,
I could have played it differently,
Won a few more moments,
Who can tell,
But it took time to understand the man,
Now at least I know
I know him well
Wasn't it good?(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness,
He can't be mine?
But in the end
He needs a little bit
More than me,
More security,
He needs his fantasy and freedom,
I know him so well
No-one in your life is with you constantly,
No-one is completely on your side,
And though I'd move my world to be with him,
Still the gap between us is too wide,
Looking back,
(Looking back)
I could have played it differently,
(I could have played it some other way),
Learned about the man,
Before I fell
(I was just a little girl)
But I was ever so much younger then,
(Maybe, so much younger then)
Now at least I knowI know him well
Wasn't it good?(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness,
He won't be mine?
Didn't I know?
How it would go,
If I knew from the start,
Why am I falling apart?
Wasn't it good
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness,
He won't be mine?
But in the end,
He needs a little bit
More than me,
More security,
He needs his fantasy and freedom,
I know him so well,
It took time to understand him,
I know him so well
Friday, May 18, 2007
What's in a Name...
Have you ever noticed how prone we women are to "labels"? No... not the designer kind that turn an ordinary scarf into a R7 500 pashmina, I mean the labels by which we define ourselves. I'm sure that men do this to a lesser degree, but the more I think about it, the more I realise that women seem unable to define themselves without one.
Think about it. You introduce yourself at a dinner party... I'm *insert name here*, so-and-so's best friend, school chum, work colleague, ex sister-in-law, etc, etc. You refer to your friends by their titles / positions in your life. You feel bereft if you find yourself suddenly 'title-less'. Let us examine a few examples...
You quit your job. Suddenly you find yourself unsure of how to describe yourself to people. Hi, I'm Jo, I'm a Publicist. Hmmmm, suddenly, you're just Jo - unemployed. It doesn't have quite the same ring to it does it? You break up with a boy / girlfriend and suddenly you're not half of something anymore. You're not secure in the knowledge that you're part of a couple and suddenly you find yourself 'undefined'.
How stupid is that? Why is it that we can't simply define ourselves AS ourselves? Why do we feel safer, happier, more empowered when we have a tag that we can add to our names? Why do we feel somehow 'less' than we are when we lose something that is essentially just a collection of words?
All I know is that I am going to keep trying to be content with being defined as ME. I'm not going to rely on labels like "best friend", "girlfriend", "career girl", "homemaker", etc etc etc to make me happy.
Who knows, I may even succeed one day!
Until next time,
Jo
Think about it. You introduce yourself at a dinner party... I'm *insert name here*, so-and-so's best friend, school chum, work colleague, ex sister-in-law, etc, etc. You refer to your friends by their titles / positions in your life. You feel bereft if you find yourself suddenly 'title-less'. Let us examine a few examples...
You quit your job. Suddenly you find yourself unsure of how to describe yourself to people. Hi, I'm Jo, I'm a Publicist. Hmmmm, suddenly, you're just Jo - unemployed. It doesn't have quite the same ring to it does it? You break up with a boy / girlfriend and suddenly you're not half of something anymore. You're not secure in the knowledge that you're part of a couple and suddenly you find yourself 'undefined'.
How stupid is that? Why is it that we can't simply define ourselves AS ourselves? Why do we feel safer, happier, more empowered when we have a tag that we can add to our names? Why do we feel somehow 'less' than we are when we lose something that is essentially just a collection of words?
All I know is that I am going to keep trying to be content with being defined as ME. I'm not going to rely on labels like "best friend", "girlfriend", "career girl", "homemaker", etc etc etc to make me happy.
Who knows, I may even succeed one day!
Until next time,
Jo
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Stop the World...
... I need a drink!! Those of you that know me will know that this is a highly unusual statement to make, but you know what - it's time to inhale something sinful and decidedly alcoholic!
This has been such a hectic time for me. I've been helping Pooh Bear move and marvelling that he isn't more stressed than he is. Been trying to get my head into my new job and on top of that, working free lance for a few bucks!
Pooh Bear found a fantastic 2 bed flat with a to DIE for kitchen. The only thing it doesn't have is ME, but hey... you can't have everything :-). Then of course there was the hysterics of moving all the furniture up two flights of stairs (damn building has no lift), but luckily, the previous tenant kindly left some booze along with cleaning equipment and a washing machine! Now all Bear needs is someone to split the costs with (again... not me).
The new job - you're not going to believe it. I'm working as a facilitator for an 8 year old with ADD. That means that lucky JoJo goes to school Mon - Thurs between 9 and 1. Told you you'd be laughing right about now! It's actually a great gig. Round the corner from the rest of my life and with a great class of kids. It's also really rewarding ... which helps! It's only week 2, but so far it seems to be working out, so it'll be great if I can keep that going a while. I'll still be completely broke, but at least I know that my monthly bills are covered.
Other than that, not much has happened to excite or delight. But - in the immortal words of Chicken Little - "Tomorrow is a New Day!"
Until then...
Love,
Me
This has been such a hectic time for me. I've been helping Pooh Bear move and marvelling that he isn't more stressed than he is. Been trying to get my head into my new job and on top of that, working free lance for a few bucks!
Pooh Bear found a fantastic 2 bed flat with a to DIE for kitchen. The only thing it doesn't have is ME, but hey... you can't have everything :-). Then of course there was the hysterics of moving all the furniture up two flights of stairs (damn building has no lift), but luckily, the previous tenant kindly left some booze along with cleaning equipment and a washing machine! Now all Bear needs is someone to split the costs with (again... not me).
The new job - you're not going to believe it. I'm working as a facilitator for an 8 year old with ADD. That means that lucky JoJo goes to school Mon - Thurs between 9 and 1. Told you you'd be laughing right about now! It's actually a great gig. Round the corner from the rest of my life and with a great class of kids. It's also really rewarding ... which helps! It's only week 2, but so far it seems to be working out, so it'll be great if I can keep that going a while. I'll still be completely broke, but at least I know that my monthly bills are covered.
Other than that, not much has happened to excite or delight. But - in the immortal words of Chicken Little - "Tomorrow is a New Day!"
Until then...
Love,
Me
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
One of Those Days...
Ever had one of those days? The alarm goes off and in that second when you're groping for the snooze button, your brain goes from 'sleep' to 'bugger off'. You lie there, thoughts drifting in and out at random and realise that actually, you don't want to face the day. The prospect of getting up, finding something to wear, actually leaving the house... nothing appeals and the more you dwell on that, the more comfortable your bed starts to seem.
Of course, that's where will power becomes a factor. You heave yourself out of bed, half heartedly trawl through the wardrobe and eventually manage to get yourself out the door. You get to where you're going and who knows... maybe the day won't be so bad after all.
I'll let you know!
Love,
Me
Of course, that's where will power becomes a factor. You heave yourself out of bed, half heartedly trawl through the wardrobe and eventually manage to get yourself out the door. You get to where you're going and who knows... maybe the day won't be so bad after all.
I'll let you know!
Love,
Me
Monday, April 23, 2007
And then there was Blog...
I have a confession to make.... I have been suffering from "Blog Envy". I made the mistake of reading some other blogs and started to wonder why I do this. After all, who is going to read what I have to say? Also, is there not just a touch of voyeurism to this...? Writing your thoughts down for all and sundry to read? Then I decided that I really didn't give a rats "....". I enjoy writing and I love the idea of being able to speak to people or just express myself. So - if some people are infinitely funnier or more interesting than me... so what?
So - here's hoping that between work, volunteering and trying to get a business off the ground, I can also make the time to speak my mind... in the one place where no one gets to interrupt me!!
No matter what - remember this...
"You cannot fail, so long as you try"
Love,
Me
So - here's hoping that between work, volunteering and trying to get a business off the ground, I can also make the time to speak my mind... in the one place where no one gets to interrupt me!!
No matter what - remember this...
"You cannot fail, so long as you try"
Love,
Me
Ouch!
You know, there really is nothing quite like the sensation of getting bad news. There's this horrible moment where your breath catches, your heart races and that demon at the back of your mind tries to convince you that you didn't just hear that.
It could be anything... "you're not pregnant", "you're fired", "it's not working between us", "it's cancer", "those pants make you look like the back end of a bus".... bad is generally defined by the person receiving the news!
The problem is that when your breathing unfreezes, when the demon finally realises that you DID hear it, when your emotions catch up... that is when you feel that gentle crack. If it's really bad news, then the sensation could be just like a physical wound. It can debilitate you, leave you curled up in the famous foetal position. There's a surreal sensation that your cells may well fly off in different directions and then, of course, you struggle against it all and try to regain control. After all, there is no logic when emotion reigns.
There really isn't anything like getting bad news. I wish it could be a physical wound... something that people could see, so that they could judge how badly hurt you are. Although, I guess that that wouldn't work.... after all - how do you move on with gaping wounds for people to stare at, ask about and comment on? You don't. I guess that's why the good Lord - in his wisdom - made hearts that can break on the inside and dignity you can wear on the outside.
Who knows?
All I know is that not all BAD news is totally bad. When you've calmed down and you're over the initial shock and hurt, there can still be positives out there. So to those of you who are dealing with pain, issues and all the other stuff that we don't always talk about.... Remember that you are very much loved and nothing is totally insurmountable!
Until next time...
Love,
Me
It could be anything... "you're not pregnant", "you're fired", "it's not working between us", "it's cancer", "those pants make you look like the back end of a bus".... bad is generally defined by the person receiving the news!
The problem is that when your breathing unfreezes, when the demon finally realises that you DID hear it, when your emotions catch up... that is when you feel that gentle crack. If it's really bad news, then the sensation could be just like a physical wound. It can debilitate you, leave you curled up in the famous foetal position. There's a surreal sensation that your cells may well fly off in different directions and then, of course, you struggle against it all and try to regain control. After all, there is no logic when emotion reigns.
There really isn't anything like getting bad news. I wish it could be a physical wound... something that people could see, so that they could judge how badly hurt you are. Although, I guess that that wouldn't work.... after all - how do you move on with gaping wounds for people to stare at, ask about and comment on? You don't. I guess that's why the good Lord - in his wisdom - made hearts that can break on the inside and dignity you can wear on the outside.
Who knows?
All I know is that not all BAD news is totally bad. When you've calmed down and you're over the initial shock and hurt, there can still be positives out there. So to those of you who are dealing with pain, issues and all the other stuff that we don't always talk about.... Remember that you are very much loved and nothing is totally insurmountable!
Until next time...
Love,
Me
Monday, April 09, 2007
As Easy as Apple Pie
I... am a Domestic Goddess!
Of course, what I'd rather be is any number of other things. I've dreamed of being a world famous author (who hasn't), financially independent (read obscenely rich) and influential, naturally (in only the best way)! However, while some of these things could still be achieved, there is one thing that has snuck up on me in quite the nastiest way.... my status as Domestic Goddess!
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing at fault in being a DG, but it isn't really something that you expect. After all, I'm a modern young woman with career hopes and dreams and domesticity didn't feature too high on my list. No one writes in their diary that they secretly hope to master the vacuum cleaner one day do they?!?!
I have discovered though that the talents that qualify one as a DG must transfer by osmosis from one DG to another. It stands to reason doesn't it? I mean, my Mom is not only an Administration Goddess, but a Domestic one as well. Clearly, she has mastered the balance of being both and then there's my Father, who is a Kitchen God on top of all the other things he's soooo terribly good at. I suppose then that it was inevitable that I would end up as a DG.
You may well be asking what has led to this startling discovery? Was it the satisfaction I get from a clean load of laundry? Was it the sense of achievement in a kitchen well cleaned? Was it the pleasure derived from cooking a sensational meal? NO. I missed all of those clues and in the end it was the simple act of baking the perfect Apple Pie that clued me in.
Do I mind my new status? Not at all, although I'm sure that early feminists are rolling in their graves. But I thinkg that empowering women means empowering them to be proud of everything that they're good at, no matter what.
So celebrate the Domestic Goddess in all of us!!
'Til next time.
Me
Of course, what I'd rather be is any number of other things. I've dreamed of being a world famous author (who hasn't), financially independent (read obscenely rich) and influential, naturally (in only the best way)! However, while some of these things could still be achieved, there is one thing that has snuck up on me in quite the nastiest way.... my status as Domestic Goddess!
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing at fault in being a DG, but it isn't really something that you expect. After all, I'm a modern young woman with career hopes and dreams and domesticity didn't feature too high on my list. No one writes in their diary that they secretly hope to master the vacuum cleaner one day do they?!?!
I have discovered though that the talents that qualify one as a DG must transfer by osmosis from one DG to another. It stands to reason doesn't it? I mean, my Mom is not only an Administration Goddess, but a Domestic one as well. Clearly, she has mastered the balance of being both and then there's my Father, who is a Kitchen God on top of all the other things he's soooo terribly good at. I suppose then that it was inevitable that I would end up as a DG.
You may well be asking what has led to this startling discovery? Was it the satisfaction I get from a clean load of laundry? Was it the sense of achievement in a kitchen well cleaned? Was it the pleasure derived from cooking a sensational meal? NO. I missed all of those clues and in the end it was the simple act of baking the perfect Apple Pie that clued me in.
Do I mind my new status? Not at all, although I'm sure that early feminists are rolling in their graves. But I thinkg that empowering women means empowering them to be proud of everything that they're good at, no matter what.
So celebrate the Domestic Goddess in all of us!!
'Til next time.
Me
Thursday, April 05, 2007
A little short of Spirit...
Have you ever felt a little short of the right "festive" spirit? I know that it's not limited to just me. More and more, the people that I talk to are saying that something is missing. As we head into the Easter weekend, all I can see is the work that lies ahead and that stuff that didn't get finished. Hard to pinpoint, but the feeling, the lightness, definitely isn't there. We've bought the chocolate eggs, slabs and bunnies, but it's as if a certain "spark" has gone out of the holiday itself.
The thing is ... the holiday hasn't changed. True, it's a little over commercialised, but at the end of the day, the spark was always in all of us and now it's gone. Perhaps we're just burnt out? I think that this may well be the case, but if so, how do we recapture the mood?
My best suggestions? Take the time to find out what makes you happy. What is it that refreshes your spirit, makes you smile, makes you happy? It could be a 7 week old puppy, setting up an egg hunt for a small child, or simply sleeping late and getting coffee in bed. Whatever it is, make the effort to find out and to indulge. It's far less fattening than the chocolate, but just as rewarding.
Who knows.... we may just be able to recapture the magic after all!
'Til next time.
Love,
Me
The thing is ... the holiday hasn't changed. True, it's a little over commercialised, but at the end of the day, the spark was always in all of us and now it's gone. Perhaps we're just burnt out? I think that this may well be the case, but if so, how do we recapture the mood?
My best suggestions? Take the time to find out what makes you happy. What is it that refreshes your spirit, makes you smile, makes you happy? It could be a 7 week old puppy, setting up an egg hunt for a small child, or simply sleeping late and getting coffee in bed. Whatever it is, make the effort to find out and to indulge. It's far less fattening than the chocolate, but just as rewarding.
Who knows.... we may just be able to recapture the magic after all!
'Til next time.
Love,
Me
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
A New Beginning...
Have you ever had the feeling that some things were just meant to happen? That's how I felt this morning. I've been thinking of starting a blog for the longest time and I had finally decided to get on and do it. Then a really great friend of mine called and we had a long chat about blogging and it just seemed like a sign that the time was perfect!
Of course, the trick now is that I need to take the time to write, but I often have something to say, so I don't think that it will turn out to be that hard!
Chat soon.
Me
Of course, the trick now is that I need to take the time to write, but I often have something to say, so I don't think that it will turn out to be that hard!
Chat soon.
Me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)