I'm writing this quite late at night, so my apologies if it's a little scatty...
There is something strangely empowering about turning 30. I have found that in the months since my birthday, I have become more content with my life, in fact, it is as if I have finally come to terms with many of the issues which faced me in my 20's.
I started this new decade single, but extremely happy. I am in the process of taking control of my health and fitness and have stopped blaming the world for things that make me unhappy. I have been blessed not only with a phenomenal family, who I love very dearly, but lately with some awesome friends who have shown me that I have not been wrong all these years in what I believe friendship should be.
There is something liberating in accepting all my flaws and realising that - after all the stress of the past decade or so - that in a strange way, I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I've realised that I don't owe anyone anything and that if it's important to me, I don't care what other people think.
It helps to have 2 new "older brothers" pushing me out of my comfort zone, but at the end of the day, the biggest change is in me. In accepting myself - flaws and all - and in taking ownership of my own life and happiness. If only I'd known all of this 10 years ago!!
Until next time...
Monday, September 29, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friends in High Places...
We all have them. They're the friends with the "cool" jobs, the best contacts, the greatest perks. They are the friends that people wish they had. But why?
In my circle of friends I have published authors, illustrators, security system manufacturers, alcohol reps, strip club owners, helicopter pilots, weapons training instructors, stationery manufacturers, airline employees and many more. Each of these people has power to some degree, some have the power to provide glory by association, while others have the power to provide products that seem to please.
In my time, I have also BEEN the friend in high places. When I worked for an entertainment magazine, it was my access to free products from reps and VIP tickets to concerts which made me a group favourite and later, when I worked for a publisher, it was my 40% discount and free books which did the trick.
In those situations it is really hard to know who is your friend because of you or because of what "added value" you bring to the group. I have always taken it on faith that those people who were good friends when I worked at a craft market, probably weren't after my money :-)
Having been the "friend in high places", I understand just how important it is that the people in my circle of friends are in no doubt that I love THEM and not their jobs. I'm supportive, understanding, interested, but I never take advantage of them, nor allow them to feel at an time that they are expected to provide a product or service.
So, if you are the friend in high places, take the time to get to know the people in your life carefully. When new friends come into your life, DO NOT fall into the trap of sharing your perks with them straight off. Wait and see if they are more interested in that or you. If you are joining a group like mine, be upfront and honest with yourself and everyone else about your motives for wanting to be included.
I'm very protective of my group - in fact, we're protective of each other - and nothing ticks us off faster than a false friend.
Anyway, I guess that today's message is to take a good look at your friends and ensure that you're all in it for the same reasons and to value the PEOPLE in your life above all else.
Until next time...
In my circle of friends I have published authors, illustrators, security system manufacturers, alcohol reps, strip club owners, helicopter pilots, weapons training instructors, stationery manufacturers, airline employees and many more. Each of these people has power to some degree, some have the power to provide glory by association, while others have the power to provide products that seem to please.
In my time, I have also BEEN the friend in high places. When I worked for an entertainment magazine, it was my access to free products from reps and VIP tickets to concerts which made me a group favourite and later, when I worked for a publisher, it was my 40% discount and free books which did the trick.
In those situations it is really hard to know who is your friend because of you or because of what "added value" you bring to the group. I have always taken it on faith that those people who were good friends when I worked at a craft market, probably weren't after my money :-)
Having been the "friend in high places", I understand just how important it is that the people in my circle of friends are in no doubt that I love THEM and not their jobs. I'm supportive, understanding, interested, but I never take advantage of them, nor allow them to feel at an time that they are expected to provide a product or service.
So, if you are the friend in high places, take the time to get to know the people in your life carefully. When new friends come into your life, DO NOT fall into the trap of sharing your perks with them straight off. Wait and see if they are more interested in that or you. If you are joining a group like mine, be upfront and honest with yourself and everyone else about your motives for wanting to be included.
I'm very protective of my group - in fact, we're protective of each other - and nothing ticks us off faster than a false friend.
Anyway, I guess that today's message is to take a good look at your friends and ensure that you're all in it for the same reasons and to value the PEOPLE in your life above all else.
Until next time...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Lions and Tigers and Bears...
... Oh My!!
I have the profound privilege of living in Cape Town, South Africa. It is a truly beautiful place to live and - having recently travelled around SA to Durban and Johannesburg - I can honestly say that it is the most spectacular city to live in!!
Of course, we're not immune to the problems which plague the majority of South Africans. The biggest of these problems is crime! Crime doesn't distinguish between black and white. It doesn't care if you're rich or poor. It pays no attention to your Religious beliefs. It pays scant attention to your age. It has a voracious appetite and moves through a community with all the subtlety of a bulldozer.
I myself have played unwilling host to Crime on 3 memorable and not so happy occassions. The first of these visits was in November last year when I awoke at 6 am to the fabulous news that my brother had trapped an intruder in our outside Granny Flat. Lovely!! This first visit was the most traumatic so far, firstly because this specimen of humanity, acting on behalf of Crime, was the only burglar that we have so far had the pleasure of meeting in person. Secondly, it was personally traumatic because he was going through MY stuff!
My reactions ran the full spectrum (especially over the antique jewellery which is gone for good) and I have to confess to feeling both terrified and strangely secure in my own home. However, life moves on and you soon discover that you need to find a way to move with it. And over a period of time, your sense of terror starts to diminish, you stop carrying your pepper spray all around the house with you and you start to find the positive in everything again. You also find that you are able to step back and realise that this wasn't personal... after all, Crime doesn't care who you are.
Then, just when you've finally decided to "get over it", you discover that Crime has a fantastic sense of humour!! Having made the statement to my father on a Sunday in March that I couldn't live in a constant state of fear, Crime popped round again on the Wednesday... just for a friendly visit. This time, it brazenly came in through the front window, breaking in through the burglar bars and - after doing some damage, trashing my room, stealing my clothes, the TV, DVD player, HiFi and kicking in my brothers door for R30 000 worth of computer - it broke out through the front security gate and sauntered off in broad daylight. Naturally, no-one saw or heard a thing.
This time, I was upset because for the second time my brother had been exposed to Crime and although he denies it, I know that it causes trauma. I was also worried about my pets as they were loose in the driveway. And then of course, I was upset about the loss of the property... I'll be honest, Crime had hit a bit harder this time because it had come into my home, into my space, into my very room! I'm not ashamed to admit that I slept fully clothed for a few days, with the lights on and the pepper spray in my hand. But you know what, it was just "stuff". My room was soon packed right and the fingerprint dust was easily washed off of everything. Again... the world turned and life returned to normal.
Of course, it would have been great if Crime and I had ended our association on this note. It was not to be. Crime may not care who you are, but when it likes you, it likes you. The world turned and soon it was September... You guessed it. My brother got home from work to discover that Crime had taken a second look at that front window. Crime gets a kind of perverse pleasure from trashing my room (and stealing my clothes... I suspect that Crime is a cross-dresser), but apart from that, it was only the new DVD player that went. We suspect that Crime was interupted as some stuff was packed but not taken. This time though, I wasn't even upset... I didn't shed a tear. I didn't rush straight home, in fact, I carried on tutoring and then went to Builders Warehouse to get a board to cover the broken window. I was incredibly angry though that it was my brother and not me that found it. I was angry that Crime got vindictive and broke some stuff. I was angry that I had to clean up again and deal with the police again. This time though, Crime had pushed too far and I raided my savings for new security fencing (amongst other things).
I also realised that Crime no longer had any power over me. The first break-in had left my hysterical and traumatised, a virtual prisoner of my own fear. Yes, I got over it, but that initial shock was huge. The second break-in was scary and upsetting, but it was then that I realised that it is just stuff. I know that will sound trite, but it's true. Of all the terrible things that could have happened, losing a few belongings (even pricesless or expensive ones) was really not that bad. By the third break-in, I was no longer scared, just mad.
I realised that Crime doesn't only steal our stuff from us. It likes to steal our lives from us too. If you allow yourself to stay scared, to live wrapped up in your fear, then Crime wins. Cancelling parties, not going out at night, never travelling alone, hiding behind your bars, all allow Crime to steal something from us that is far more precious than any "stuff" will ever be. Crime steals our lives from us if we allow it.
Mourn, be mad, be hurt, be scared, but then get over it. Take back your life. The only person who can make things feel "normal" again, is you. And if you don't care enough to do it, then you may as well lay down and die. Crime is a problem and it affects us all, but it doesn't have any more power than we allow it to have. Always remember that.
Until next time...
I have the profound privilege of living in Cape Town, South Africa. It is a truly beautiful place to live and - having recently travelled around SA to Durban and Johannesburg - I can honestly say that it is the most spectacular city to live in!!
Of course, we're not immune to the problems which plague the majority of South Africans. The biggest of these problems is crime! Crime doesn't distinguish between black and white. It doesn't care if you're rich or poor. It pays no attention to your Religious beliefs. It pays scant attention to your age. It has a voracious appetite and moves through a community with all the subtlety of a bulldozer.
I myself have played unwilling host to Crime on 3 memorable and not so happy occassions. The first of these visits was in November last year when I awoke at 6 am to the fabulous news that my brother had trapped an intruder in our outside Granny Flat. Lovely!! This first visit was the most traumatic so far, firstly because this specimen of humanity, acting on behalf of Crime, was the only burglar that we have so far had the pleasure of meeting in person. Secondly, it was personally traumatic because he was going through MY stuff!
My reactions ran the full spectrum (especially over the antique jewellery which is gone for good) and I have to confess to feeling both terrified and strangely secure in my own home. However, life moves on and you soon discover that you need to find a way to move with it. And over a period of time, your sense of terror starts to diminish, you stop carrying your pepper spray all around the house with you and you start to find the positive in everything again. You also find that you are able to step back and realise that this wasn't personal... after all, Crime doesn't care who you are.
Then, just when you've finally decided to "get over it", you discover that Crime has a fantastic sense of humour!! Having made the statement to my father on a Sunday in March that I couldn't live in a constant state of fear, Crime popped round again on the Wednesday... just for a friendly visit. This time, it brazenly came in through the front window, breaking in through the burglar bars and - after doing some damage, trashing my room, stealing my clothes, the TV, DVD player, HiFi and kicking in my brothers door for R30 000 worth of computer - it broke out through the front security gate and sauntered off in broad daylight. Naturally, no-one saw or heard a thing.
This time, I was upset because for the second time my brother had been exposed to Crime and although he denies it, I know that it causes trauma. I was also worried about my pets as they were loose in the driveway. And then of course, I was upset about the loss of the property... I'll be honest, Crime had hit a bit harder this time because it had come into my home, into my space, into my very room! I'm not ashamed to admit that I slept fully clothed for a few days, with the lights on and the pepper spray in my hand. But you know what, it was just "stuff". My room was soon packed right and the fingerprint dust was easily washed off of everything. Again... the world turned and life returned to normal.
Of course, it would have been great if Crime and I had ended our association on this note. It was not to be. Crime may not care who you are, but when it likes you, it likes you. The world turned and soon it was September... You guessed it. My brother got home from work to discover that Crime had taken a second look at that front window. Crime gets a kind of perverse pleasure from trashing my room (and stealing my clothes... I suspect that Crime is a cross-dresser), but apart from that, it was only the new DVD player that went. We suspect that Crime was interupted as some stuff was packed but not taken. This time though, I wasn't even upset... I didn't shed a tear. I didn't rush straight home, in fact, I carried on tutoring and then went to Builders Warehouse to get a board to cover the broken window. I was incredibly angry though that it was my brother and not me that found it. I was angry that Crime got vindictive and broke some stuff. I was angry that I had to clean up again and deal with the police again. This time though, Crime had pushed too far and I raided my savings for new security fencing (amongst other things).
I also realised that Crime no longer had any power over me. The first break-in had left my hysterical and traumatised, a virtual prisoner of my own fear. Yes, I got over it, but that initial shock was huge. The second break-in was scary and upsetting, but it was then that I realised that it is just stuff. I know that will sound trite, but it's true. Of all the terrible things that could have happened, losing a few belongings (even pricesless or expensive ones) was really not that bad. By the third break-in, I was no longer scared, just mad.
I realised that Crime doesn't only steal our stuff from us. It likes to steal our lives from us too. If you allow yourself to stay scared, to live wrapped up in your fear, then Crime wins. Cancelling parties, not going out at night, never travelling alone, hiding behind your bars, all allow Crime to steal something from us that is far more precious than any "stuff" will ever be. Crime steals our lives from us if we allow it.
Mourn, be mad, be hurt, be scared, but then get over it. Take back your life. The only person who can make things feel "normal" again, is you. And if you don't care enough to do it, then you may as well lay down and die. Crime is a problem and it affects us all, but it doesn't have any more power than we allow it to have. Always remember that.
Until next time...
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Welcome Back
It's been more than a year since I last blogged. To be honest, I think I lost interest in a lot of things and blogging fell by the roadside. Lately though, I've been re-discovering things that I thought were gone and also discovering some things that I never knew existed. I've also been overtaken by a desire to express myself again... and voila, back to blogging.
I recently had an eye-opening evening, which brought the rest of my life into a kind of focus. I started to evaluate my own priorities and to really examine my relationships. I have always believed that relationships, friendships or otherwise, are a seesaw. Smart people know that they're never 50/50, but rather give and take. The problem comes in though when you realise that the seesaw has become stuck - especially if it is skewed away from you.
I also realised that there are many people in our lives who are "users" rather than "givers". Which doesn't help if you happen to be a "giver". You find yourself pouring energy into those people - helping them, nurturing them, being there for them. It's rewarding in its own way, but does nothing for you if you don't get anything back.
It's important to realise that you need to put the majority of your energy into yourself. If your batteries are run down, you're no good to anyone. Apart from that, it's also important to make sure that you are investing your energy wisely, in relationships that are meaningful and in people who take the time to invest energy in you in return.
In life, there are no "do overs". You usually only get one shot and it's important to make it a good one. Even if you end up getting hurt, if you can look back and be content with how you have handled a situation or the kind of friend you have been, then the battle is half won. Surround yourself with people that you love, but who also nurture you in return. Be there for the people who need you, even if they can't always return the favour. And finally, listen to the advice, the criticism and the praise - no matter how surprising the source. You may find that it contains a valuable lesson. At the very least, it deserves to be heard.
Until next time...
I recently had an eye-opening evening, which brought the rest of my life into a kind of focus. I started to evaluate my own priorities and to really examine my relationships. I have always believed that relationships, friendships or otherwise, are a seesaw. Smart people know that they're never 50/50, but rather give and take. The problem comes in though when you realise that the seesaw has become stuck - especially if it is skewed away from you.
I also realised that there are many people in our lives who are "users" rather than "givers". Which doesn't help if you happen to be a "giver". You find yourself pouring energy into those people - helping them, nurturing them, being there for them. It's rewarding in its own way, but does nothing for you if you don't get anything back.
It's important to realise that you need to put the majority of your energy into yourself. If your batteries are run down, you're no good to anyone. Apart from that, it's also important to make sure that you are investing your energy wisely, in relationships that are meaningful and in people who take the time to invest energy in you in return.
In life, there are no "do overs". You usually only get one shot and it's important to make it a good one. Even if you end up getting hurt, if you can look back and be content with how you have handled a situation or the kind of friend you have been, then the battle is half won. Surround yourself with people that you love, but who also nurture you in return. Be there for the people who need you, even if they can't always return the favour. And finally, listen to the advice, the criticism and the praise - no matter how surprising the source. You may find that it contains a valuable lesson. At the very least, it deserves to be heard.
Until next time...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
One of "Those" Days...
Ok, so it's fair to say that I don't have the easiest job in the world and to clarify, I'm talking about my "main" job. Facilitating for a 9 year old boy with ADHD was never going to be a walk in the park, but it's actually been fairly ok so far. We've had our ups and downs, but it's been manageable on the whole. Today...? Well, today was a totally different story.
After a fortnight of him being deliberately naughty and generally choosing to misbehave, today he took it to a new level. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that he pushed his boundaries and they snapped. In glowing technicolour! No, I didn't hit him or anything :-). I sent him home. Talking to him on a day like today is like hitting a brick wall. You might as well not bother. In the end, the decision to send him home wasn't an easy one. We've never done it before, but it was the only available choice today. At least he now knows that the "red card" is NOT an empty threat!
Somehow, I feel as though I failed him today. I'm cutting myself a fair bit of slack though because I know that both the school and his folks have days like this all the time and it's my first one! To be honest, my days are often emotionally and physically draining and I find that I'm wiped out by the time I leave school. It can be really hard to get my "groove" back for not only my office work and the projects I have on the go there, but also for tutoring in the late afternoon.
One of the big things that keeps me going though is that I know that I'm making a difference to him. To how he interacts with the world and also with how they interact with him. I just feel so .... well, exhausted.
So... if I'm ever weird with you on the phone, via sms or email or in person... my apologies. My mind has probably melted and pooled somewhere else.
Leave a message and I'll get back to you ok? :-)
Until next time.
Hugs,
Me
After a fortnight of him being deliberately naughty and generally choosing to misbehave, today he took it to a new level. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that he pushed his boundaries and they snapped. In glowing technicolour! No, I didn't hit him or anything :-). I sent him home. Talking to him on a day like today is like hitting a brick wall. You might as well not bother. In the end, the decision to send him home wasn't an easy one. We've never done it before, but it was the only available choice today. At least he now knows that the "red card" is NOT an empty threat!
Somehow, I feel as though I failed him today. I'm cutting myself a fair bit of slack though because I know that both the school and his folks have days like this all the time and it's my first one! To be honest, my days are often emotionally and physically draining and I find that I'm wiped out by the time I leave school. It can be really hard to get my "groove" back for not only my office work and the projects I have on the go there, but also for tutoring in the late afternoon.
One of the big things that keeps me going though is that I know that I'm making a difference to him. To how he interacts with the world and also with how they interact with him. I just feel so .... well, exhausted.
So... if I'm ever weird with you on the phone, via sms or email or in person... my apologies. My mind has probably melted and pooled somewhere else.
Leave a message and I'll get back to you ok? :-)
Until next time.
Hugs,
Me
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Passion...
I'm a firm believer in following your passion. I also believe that if you are doing something that feeds your spirit and makes you feel at peace with yourself, then the universe will work with you on that. There are so many things in my own life that I could use to illustrate this, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to tell you about this amazing person that I met this week.
His name is Andrea and he is Italian. That isn't what makes him amazing though :-) He is a gifted photographer, artist, videographer and snowboarder (amongst other things), but one of the things that he is passionate about is travelling. How did the universe help him out? Well, he entered a videoblog contest on National Geographic and won a trip around the world! How awesome is that?!?!
He is a true original, someone that is so totally comfortable in his own skin and a true joy to spend time with. I envy him his journey, but thanks to his phenomenal skills with a camera and the art of web design, I can travel vicariously through him. With this in mind, I have to recommend that you all pay a visit to his website... www.haero.com/blog.
TRUST ME. It's worth it!
'Til next time.
Hugs,
Me
His name is Andrea and he is Italian. That isn't what makes him amazing though :-) He is a gifted photographer, artist, videographer and snowboarder (amongst other things), but one of the things that he is passionate about is travelling. How did the universe help him out? Well, he entered a videoblog contest on National Geographic and won a trip around the world! How awesome is that?!?!
He is a true original, someone that is so totally comfortable in his own skin and a true joy to spend time with. I envy him his journey, but thanks to his phenomenal skills with a camera and the art of web design, I can travel vicariously through him. With this in mind, I have to recommend that you all pay a visit to his website... www.haero.com/blog.
TRUST ME. It's worth it!
'Til next time.
Hugs,
Me
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Go on, be honest...
I'm sure we've all heard the saying "honesty is the best policy" sometime in our lives. Well - I really do believe that that is true. My Mom always used to tell us to be honest with her if we'd done something wrong and she promised us that as mad as she might get, it would be nothing to how mad she would be if she had to find out from someone else later. I tried it once. She wasn't kidding.
The trouble is that even if we try to live an honest life and try to treat those around us honestly and with a good heart, we cannot expect them to do the same. In fact, the chances are that most of the people around us are anything but truly honest. They're not honest with you, with other people and they're certainly not honest with themselves.
It's a funny thing, but dishonesty eats you alive. I'm not talking about the fib you made when you said you liked dinner the other night even though it was burnt or how you told your Great Aunt Gertrude that the butt ugly vase was just what you wanted. Sometimes, we have to do these things. I'm talking about the ugly, soul destroying lies that we tell to ourselves and to others. We think we've hidden them so well, but they change us in ways that are extremely visible to those around us.
Sometimes we lie inadvertantly, but unfortunately, there are times when the lies we tell are not inadvertant. They grow from a deliberate choice we make when we set out to achieve something through dishonest means. We don't really care who we hurt and we will tell any lie that we need to in order to achieve our goals. If you were to confront someone with the evidence of what they are doing, they would deny it vehemently and try to turn it all on you. They simply cannot see what they are doing because the most powerful lies we tell are to ourselves. These lies change us too.
For example: You and a colleague both want the same promotion. You've always been friends, but now you find that you're prepared to do anything for the achievement of the promotion. Or, perhaps you find yourself jealous of something one of your friends has - an object, car, house, girl/boyfriend, job, etc. The more jealous you are of that person, the more resentful you become and the more resentful you become, the more you will pick fights with them, accuse them of things that aren't true and treat them like crap. Worse still, the worse you treat them, the more you blame them for your behaviour. If you take it too far, you end up destroying the friendship. Your behaviour will reflect how ugly the dishonesty is making your soul.
Being honest with yourself is the hardest thing in the world. It requires you to look inside your heart and look past all the bullsh*t and smokes screens that you've built up for yourself and take a good long look at what you find. It could be that you need to do this to see how you really feel about a person or situation or that you simply need to re-evaluate aspects of your life. No matter what the reason, it is hard to do, and you may not like (or expect) what you find.
Here is the challenge... be honest with yourself. Identify areas of your life that can be improved and figure out how to do it. Take a look at your friends, colleagues, job, etc. Are there things you can do without? People that just stress you out? Are you doing things because you feel obligated to? Are you hurting people by what you do or don't do? All you have to do is be honest... ultimately, people will respect you for it.
It's hard. Believe me, it's VERY hard, but it's not impossible.
Until next time,
Me
The trouble is that even if we try to live an honest life and try to treat those around us honestly and with a good heart, we cannot expect them to do the same. In fact, the chances are that most of the people around us are anything but truly honest. They're not honest with you, with other people and they're certainly not honest with themselves.
It's a funny thing, but dishonesty eats you alive. I'm not talking about the fib you made when you said you liked dinner the other night even though it was burnt or how you told your Great Aunt Gertrude that the butt ugly vase was just what you wanted. Sometimes, we have to do these things. I'm talking about the ugly, soul destroying lies that we tell to ourselves and to others. We think we've hidden them so well, but they change us in ways that are extremely visible to those around us.
Sometimes we lie inadvertantly, but unfortunately, there are times when the lies we tell are not inadvertant. They grow from a deliberate choice we make when we set out to achieve something through dishonest means. We don't really care who we hurt and we will tell any lie that we need to in order to achieve our goals. If you were to confront someone with the evidence of what they are doing, they would deny it vehemently and try to turn it all on you. They simply cannot see what they are doing because the most powerful lies we tell are to ourselves. These lies change us too.
For example: You and a colleague both want the same promotion. You've always been friends, but now you find that you're prepared to do anything for the achievement of the promotion. Or, perhaps you find yourself jealous of something one of your friends has - an object, car, house, girl/boyfriend, job, etc. The more jealous you are of that person, the more resentful you become and the more resentful you become, the more you will pick fights with them, accuse them of things that aren't true and treat them like crap. Worse still, the worse you treat them, the more you blame them for your behaviour. If you take it too far, you end up destroying the friendship. Your behaviour will reflect how ugly the dishonesty is making your soul.
Being honest with yourself is the hardest thing in the world. It requires you to look inside your heart and look past all the bullsh*t and smokes screens that you've built up for yourself and take a good long look at what you find. It could be that you need to do this to see how you really feel about a person or situation or that you simply need to re-evaluate aspects of your life. No matter what the reason, it is hard to do, and you may not like (or expect) what you find.
Here is the challenge... be honest with yourself. Identify areas of your life that can be improved and figure out how to do it. Take a look at your friends, colleagues, job, etc. Are there things you can do without? People that just stress you out? Are you doing things because you feel obligated to? Are you hurting people by what you do or don't do? All you have to do is be honest... ultimately, people will respect you for it.
It's hard. Believe me, it's VERY hard, but it's not impossible.
Until next time,
Me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)