Just Another Fool...

Feeling sick always leaves me in a strange state of mind. In this case - contemplating all the lovely, interesting turns that my life has taken over the past few months. Wondering where the seams started to unravel, wondering if I could have stopped it all going horribly wrong if I'd just caught it early enough. Trying to convince myself that there's no point to wondering at all. You may as well wander off for all the good it'll do you.

Then there are all the songs that my sub-conscious mind is throwing at me. Sometimes it's the whole thing that applies and other times, just selected lines, but any which way, my mind is full of music. I almost wish I could say that it's driving me nuts, but in a strange way, it's helping me to sort it all out at a time when there is little help forthcoming.

Of course, something else that has been very helpful is this blog. It's a bit like having a personal diary - only difference is that you basically make it available for the world to see. It's extremely theraputic to be able to 'talk' and think things through out loud as it were, but something that I guess you have to bear in mind when you're writing is that you have readers (potentially). This means that even here, in your own space, you have to make choices. You have to chose if you're going to be honest to yourself, or edit your thoughts towards the people that may or may not be reading.

I think it's safe to say that this blog will exist in the same way as the rest of my life. I will be honest about what I think and feel and if you have any questions or issues, you should feel free to raise them...

Anyway - I think I hear my 'flu meds calling me from the comfort of my bed, so I'll see you all again soon.

Until then,

Me

PS - the title of today's post is a line from an Anne Murray song which has been on my mind.

Chicken Soup

Why is it that things like the 'flu think that they can just show up unannounced and uninvited? I felt pretty good when I went to sleep and when I woke up - YUCK!! You know it just isn't fair - I hate being sick and feeling disgusting.... it's not even a great excuse to just stay in bed any more. I have too much to do.

I'm really excited though - my Dad gets back tomorrow. He's been gone for only 2 weeks, but it feels like FOREVER!!! Yes - I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a total DLG (Daddy's Little Girl), and proud of it!

Anyway - it's time to leave the office, stock up on chicken soup and head for my duvet. Hope that all you lovelies have a great weekend!

Hugs,

Me

In a Sad Song state of Mind...

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally,
Perfect situations must go wrong,
But this has never yet prevented me,
Wanting far too much,
For far too long,
Looking back,
I could have played it differently,
Won a few more moments,
Who can tell,
But it took time to understand the man,
Now at least I know
I know him well
Wasn't it good?(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness,
He can't be mine?

But in the end
He needs a little bit
More than me,
More security,
He needs his fantasy and freedom,
I know him so well
No-one in your life is with you constantly,
No-one is completely on your side,
And though I'd move my world to be with him,
Still the gap between us is too wide,

Looking back,
(Looking back)
I could have played it differently,
(I could have played it some other way),
Learned about the man,
Before I fell
(I was just a little girl)
But I was ever so much younger then,
(Maybe, so much younger then)
Now at least I knowI know him well
Wasn't it good?(Oh so good)
Wasn't he fine?(Oh so fine)
Isn't it madness,
He won't be mine?

Didn't I know?
How it would go,
If I knew from the start,
Why am I falling apart?
Wasn't it good
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness,
He won't be mine?
But in the end,
He needs a little bit
More than me,
More security,

He needs his fantasy and freedom,
I know him so well,

It took time to understand him,
I know him so well

What's in a Name...

Have you ever noticed how prone we women are to "labels"? No... not the designer kind that turn an ordinary scarf into a R7 500 pashmina, I mean the labels by which we define ourselves. I'm sure that men do this to a lesser degree, but the more I think about it, the more I realise that women seem unable to define themselves without one.

Think about it. You introduce yourself at a dinner party... I'm *insert name here*, so-and-so's best friend, school chum, work colleague, ex sister-in-law, etc, etc. You refer to your friends by their titles / positions in your life. You feel bereft if you find yourself suddenly 'title-less'. Let us examine a few examples...

You quit your job. Suddenly you find yourself unsure of how to describe yourself to people. Hi, I'm Jo, I'm a Publicist. Hmmmm, suddenly, you're just Jo - unemployed. It doesn't have quite the same ring to it does it? You break up with a boy / girlfriend and suddenly you're not half of something anymore. You're not secure in the knowledge that you're part of a couple and suddenly you find yourself 'undefined'.

How stupid is that? Why is it that we can't simply define ourselves AS ourselves? Why do we feel safer, happier, more empowered when we have a tag that we can add to our names? Why do we feel somehow 'less' than we are when we lose something that is essentially just a collection of words?

All I know is that I am going to keep trying to be content with being defined as ME. I'm not going to rely on labels like "best friend", "girlfriend", "career girl", "homemaker", etc etc etc to make me happy.

Who knows, I may even succeed one day!

Until next time,

Jo

Stop the World...

... I need a drink!! Those of you that know me will know that this is a highly unusual statement to make, but you know what - it's time to inhale something sinful and decidedly alcoholic!

This has been such a hectic time for me. I've been helping Pooh Bear move and marvelling that he isn't more stressed than he is. Been trying to get my head into my new job and on top of that, working free lance for a few bucks!

Pooh Bear found a fantastic 2 bed flat with a to DIE for kitchen. The only thing it doesn't have is ME, but hey... you can't have everything :-). Then of course there was the hysterics of moving all the furniture up two flights of stairs (damn building has no lift), but luckily, the previous tenant kindly left some booze along with cleaning equipment and a washing machine! Now all Bear needs is someone to split the costs with (again... not me).

The new job - you're not going to believe it. I'm working as a facilitator for an 8 year old with ADD. That means that lucky JoJo goes to school Mon - Thurs between 9 and 1. Told you you'd be laughing right about now! It's actually a great gig. Round the corner from the rest of my life and with a great class of kids. It's also really rewarding ... which helps! It's only week 2, but so far it seems to be working out, so it'll be great if I can keep that going a while. I'll still be completely broke, but at least I know that my monthly bills are covered.

Other than that, not much has happened to excite or delight. But - in the immortal words of Chicken Little - "Tomorrow is a New Day!"

Until then...

Love,

Me