Portrayed as Equals?

Locally we have an advert for a certain insurance company which I will not name. Of course, if you live locally, you will soon be able to work out exactly which company I am referring to, but I will ask that you not say the name :-) After all, I have no desire to be sued. However, I don't have a comment about them specifically, but rather, I am going to use this advert as an example of a point I'd like to make.

The premise of this series of adverts is that the husband and wife in question do not insure with this company, but really should. In all the adverts, the husband is portrayed as somehow "less". He is physically small and looks timid. He cowers before his wife who is portrayed as a loud, large and aggressive woman. The actors are physically representative of their characters and the man is the embodiment of a doormat. The ultimate terrified "yes dear" guy. So what is my problem? Well, let us examine the imagery created by these commercials (both print and TV... possibly radio but I don't listen).

Most people chuckle at the adverts, but imagine for a moment that the roles were reversed. Imagine that the wife was portrayed as a thin, small, timid, scared woman. Now imagine her husband portrayed as a large, loud, aggressive man. Not so funny any more is it? You see, if the advert had been set up that way, it would remind us too clearly of the abusive nature of relationships and all the "anti-woman abuse" activists would be up in arms at the glorification of the abuse of women. There would be complaints on every level and the company and ad agency would have had to retract the ad probably within a day or two of it starting to air. After all, heaven forbid that we appear to be in favour of abusing women either verbally or physically or psychologically!

Still don't see what my issue is?? Well, what are we saying about the men in our lives? By portraying them as weak, terrified of us, verbally abused by their wives, what lessons are we teaching our youth? What message are we sending to our men? That we want them to be weak and sad? I certainly don't want a man like that. Why is no-one upset about this advert portraying abuse of men in a pseudo-positive light? Ok. So I admit that I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but I have fairly strong opinions. You see, I HATE the word "chairperson" or "the chair". It is the chairman. God is not a "she" or a "they" to placate your delicate sensibilities, he is a He. So why aren't we portraying men and women equally without issue? After all, if we cannot portray the abuse of women (quite rightly), why is the abuse of men considered funny?

I'm not trying to undo all the work of passionate women's libbers or anything, but I feel quite strongly that I don't need a word to be changed so that I can feel secure. I feel just as powerful as a man when I am chairman of a committee, in fact I feel somehow less empowered by being called "the chair". Women have come so far over the past century and more and yet we still feel threatened by the silliest things - we get wrapped up in these little things instead of celebrating the power we have. You cannot expect the world to bend it's entire will to yours just because you have boobs and then still expect a man to open all your doors and pull your chair out for you. It's a double standard. Like the ad.

Women have reached the top in so many fields - industry, military, arts, etc - and yet we still feel threatened by the emptiness of the names that things have. We insist on labels which are gender non-specific or feminine and what we fail to realise is that by doing this, we draw more attention to our differences rather than to our similarities.

It's a situation that makes me chuckle even as it frustrates and annoys me.

Until next time...

World at our Feet!

There's an interesting trend that I've noticed through my travels on Facebook... Almost all the people I went to school with now live around the world, with a small percentage still living local (like me) :-) I'm not sure if it's something new for our generation or if it's just more noticeable due to social media. You see, with our parents and grandparents, the chances were that when they left school or college or perhaps left a company where they worked, they would have lost touch with each other or at least, most of them would have. Some - close friends - would have stayed in touch through potentially ever decreasing quantities of letters and cards or perhaps not. Things are a little different with our generation... and it's changing things for the generations above us too!

Let us examine social media like Facebook and Twitter, even MySpace. They allow us to grab glimpses into the lives of people that we knew. Sometimes these glimpses are as brief as the flashes you'd get between passing train carriages, offering us an incomplete image of the person on the other side. Other times, people are too happy to park us outside their front window and share absolutely everything with us. Either way, we are able to search for names from our past and peep in on them at random. Perhaps we go along "adding" people to our Facebook friends list - often forgetting that there are people on there that we wouldn't want privy to our secrets and day-to-day lives. It also makes it glaringly apparent that many of our "friends" have (with apologies) "Boldly Gone Where Many Have Gone Before".

Some left when we were still at school, boldly carving out new lives for themselves after their parents whims have dragged them around the world. Others couldn't wait for that last Matric exam before they were throwing darts at a map. A few chose to Au pair or study briefly overseas, only to fall in love - with either a person or the country or simply the lifestyle. At any rate, seeing "UK", "Canada", "Switzerland", "Mexico", "Brazil", etc, etc as their "home cities" certainly brings home to those of us back here, that we're still here. The question is this... were we left behind or did we choose to stay?

I can only speak for myself... and I chose to stay. I love my friends, my home, my family and the environment in which I find myself. Don't get me wrong, I would be happy to live overseas, but I would never do it without my family around me. Do I feel as if I've missed out? No. I made a choice to live the life I live and although I loved the year I spent overseas (yes, I did it too... 6 months with family there too and 6 months alone), I am loving the experiences I've had in my own back yard. So, no, I don't feel as if I've missed out. Sometimes though, I wonder what it must be like to live their lives. Like getting to try on a character in a movie :-) But it never feels real. I live in Cape Town and I love this town. There isn't anything better than the diversity of being able to get from the beach to the farmlands in under an hour or disappear into the mountains for a healthy retreat. This city is a vacation destination of note, but far more than that, it's my home. The place where my blood moves at the right speed and the very dust motes in the air are familiar.

And if I ever feel as if I need to do something different? No problem, I can experience the world vicariously through the talented and wonderful eyes of my Facebook friends. It's something that older generations are embracing each day and although the world continues to shrink second by second, it's now totally at our feet!

Until next time...

Wash, Rinse, Repeat if required...

Ok, so at first glance, this may seem like the simple instructions on the back of the shampoo bottle aaaaaaaaand... you'd be right. BUT, they are also a fairly simple instruction for life and dealing with some of what it throws at you. How? Well... I'll tell you.

You see, so many times, life throws obstacles in our way. They're designed to trip us up or throw us off course, but it doesn't need to be that way at all. It is always possible to find away to either go around it or survive it! Don't believe me? Well... suffice it to say that I've had my fair share of rough "road tests", but I'm still here. So... what do I recommend? Well, it would be nice if there was a general purpose "band aid" solution to all the problems life could throw at you, but there simply isn't. There are however ways that you can prepare for the unexpected.

Ok... there are your general problems. These would be things like not getting that dream job, gaining a few extra kilograms, or your best friend making a move on the guy you like (but didn't tell her about). These things can hurt you, sometimes even lay you flat, but I promise it's not going to kill you. What you need to do is allow yourself a short period of time to mourn, be pissed off, get mad, whatever you need to do. Then, take a bit of time to recover and - here's the pertinent part - GET OVER IT!! If necessary, repeat step 1 (mad, sad, etc) and then ... stop. See... Wash, Rinse, Repeat (if required).

You're wondering if this will work with the bigger stuff? Well - sure. Don't believe me? Ok. So what would be the "big stuff"? Boyfriend cheated on you with his ex? Best friend moved in on your recent ex and married him? Boss is a total bitch who emotionally destroyed you until you quit your job? People you trusted have cut you out of their lives and treated you like dirt? Would that about cover it? You guess? Well, if you're not sure... Ok, so we're agreed that this would be the big stuff. Is it going to hurt you? Well, sure. Probably badly, but let me tell you a little secret. It definitely won't kill you. How can I be so sure? Well, some of these "big things" that I listed are things that I've been through personally and I won't lie. They hurt. Badly. But I'm still here and I'm actually stronger than before. No kidding.

You see... the best way to prepare yourself for the unexpected is to be sure of what YOU expect from people and life and yourself and also what YOU would like people to remember about you. Sound complicated? Not really. I always refer to it as behaving like an adult instead of like a petulant, spoilt child. And that isn't really always that easy. Basically, how you choose to deal with something will dictate how your brain processes it and how your emotions will handle it. I'm not kidding. Someone cheating on you does not require you to scream and shout and throw things. That is something we see in the movies and that doesn't make it right. Are any of those reactions going to change what happened? No. I'm not suggesting that you not be mad, just that you handle things in a rational, grown up way. Telling the person how you feel in clear, succinct manner will be just as effective and ultimately.... it kinda makes the other person feel worse. They know they've hurt you, but when you're almost nice about it, it's worse!

At the end of the day, you can walk away from any of these situations having expressed yourself as strongly as is needed without losing the core of your self-respect! How does it help you? Well, by NOT losing your cool and freaking out, you actually entitle yourself to be "ok". To get over it a bit quicker and easier and you don't raise your blood pressure through the roof. You still need to go through the stages... Be angry, be totally p'd off, be sad, be heartbroken or simply broken and that stage will take as long as it will take. But then you need to "rinse" and move on! Months down the line, not only do you respect yourself, but chances are that the people around you will respect you too and they may even learn from you.

If this seems a bit complicated... Then there's a song for you that you can adapt to fit what you need... "I'm going to wash that (insert here) right out of my hair" :-).

Until next time...

4th July 2010

Where flies the flag of freedom,
Turn your head and we’ll be there.
We’re the soldiers who stand between you
And a world that isn’t fair.

We stand here shoulder to shoulder,
Our arms we bear with pride.
We know this too we shall overcome,
For our brothers are by our side.

So as you celebrate your freedoms,
With your barbeques and good cheer.
We’re standing on the frontlines,
Just remember we’re still here.

And when at night you go to sleep,
Unafraid and safe in bed.
Remember it’s we who face the dark,
Who face the danger in your stead.

So each day let’s thank the soldiers,
And all other armed forces too.
They’re the ones to whom you owe it all,
They’ve secured it all for you.

©Jo Originals - July 2010

(any unauthorised use is a copyright infringement)