It's For The Best...

You know... mankind is a curious microcosm, filled with so many contradictions and double standards, that if you were to really sit down and think about it, it would drive you mad. We have a curious habit of holding people to different standards and different levels, of making emotional decisions or logical ones, of lying to ourselves and to others; of condoning insensitivity towards people in the name of protecting other people's rights. We're a messy, complicated, unpleasant race. On the whole. What has got me ranting? What has made me feel so negative tonight? Well... there is one particular double standard that has me all worked up... Euthanasia!

You see, this is the situation... I have an ill relative with advanced Alzheimer's. I also have a beloved cat with a problem liver which could prove fatal. Now - most people (mostly those who are not animal people) would argue that these are two very VERY different situations, but I beg to differ. You see, when it comes to my beloved cat - for whom I will fight every step of the way - the chances are that there will come a point where my Vet will take me aside and gently suggest that the level of pain / discomfort / quality of life has reached a point where it is best to have her put to sleep. Now, when it comes to my much loved relative - who I would fight for every step of the way - there will never come a point where that same suggestion will be made. There will never be a moment where a kindly Dr will take us aside and tactfully suggest that the level of pain / discomfort / quality of life has reached a point where it would be best to "put her to sleep"... as it were.

Ok - so most of you would point out that there is a difference between animals and people, but everyone who has ever had a beloved pet that has had to be put down will know what it is that I mean when I say that the words "it's for the best" really are NO comfort at all. In fact, to be honest, I think that it is a horrific double standard to say that we are trying to help our animals "die with dignity" and doing what "is best for them", but we allow our sick, dying and aged people to linger long past a point where they have no bodily control, are brain dead and have no quality of life whatsoever. In fact, we condemn those who would "put them to sleep" because we consider that to be murder. Now - do NOT get me wrong here. I am not suggesting for one moment that we go around murdering people. I am simply commenting on the fact that we have this double standard.

I think that - in much the same way as we will try every last option at our disposal to save a relative, we should do everything in our power to fight for our animals. They cannot talk and they don't get to make any choices for themselves, but as their humans, shouldn't we try harder? Do more?

I don't want either of them to die. Ever. Unrealistic, but true. Knowing this, I also know that I will push my vet to try anything and everything that he can. I need to know that I have tried absolutely everything in my power to help. I need to know that this terrible decision, this heartbreaking choice that I may be forced to make, is a final option and not just the "easiest" one for everyone else. And when my relative dies - as needs age and circumstance means that they must - I need to know that everything was done for them too. I don't like change and I dislike death and I don't cope well with either of them.

So you'll have to forgive me for wanting to put them off for as long as possible.

Until next time...

Portrayed as Equals?

Locally we have an advert for a certain insurance company which I will not name. Of course, if you live locally, you will soon be able to work out exactly which company I am referring to, but I will ask that you not say the name :-) After all, I have no desire to be sued. However, I don't have a comment about them specifically, but rather, I am going to use this advert as an example of a point I'd like to make.

The premise of this series of adverts is that the husband and wife in question do not insure with this company, but really should. In all the adverts, the husband is portrayed as somehow "less". He is physically small and looks timid. He cowers before his wife who is portrayed as a loud, large and aggressive woman. The actors are physically representative of their characters and the man is the embodiment of a doormat. The ultimate terrified "yes dear" guy. So what is my problem? Well, let us examine the imagery created by these commercials (both print and TV... possibly radio but I don't listen).

Most people chuckle at the adverts, but imagine for a moment that the roles were reversed. Imagine that the wife was portrayed as a thin, small, timid, scared woman. Now imagine her husband portrayed as a large, loud, aggressive man. Not so funny any more is it? You see, if the advert had been set up that way, it would remind us too clearly of the abusive nature of relationships and all the "anti-woman abuse" activists would be up in arms at the glorification of the abuse of women. There would be complaints on every level and the company and ad agency would have had to retract the ad probably within a day or two of it starting to air. After all, heaven forbid that we appear to be in favour of abusing women either verbally or physically or psychologically!

Still don't see what my issue is?? Well, what are we saying about the men in our lives? By portraying them as weak, terrified of us, verbally abused by their wives, what lessons are we teaching our youth? What message are we sending to our men? That we want them to be weak and sad? I certainly don't want a man like that. Why is no-one upset about this advert portraying abuse of men in a pseudo-positive light? Ok. So I admit that I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but I have fairly strong opinions. You see, I HATE the word "chairperson" or "the chair". It is the chairman. God is not a "she" or a "they" to placate your delicate sensibilities, he is a He. So why aren't we portraying men and women equally without issue? After all, if we cannot portray the abuse of women (quite rightly), why is the abuse of men considered funny?

I'm not trying to undo all the work of passionate women's libbers or anything, but I feel quite strongly that I don't need a word to be changed so that I can feel secure. I feel just as powerful as a man when I am chairman of a committee, in fact I feel somehow less empowered by being called "the chair". Women have come so far over the past century and more and yet we still feel threatened by the silliest things - we get wrapped up in these little things instead of celebrating the power we have. You cannot expect the world to bend it's entire will to yours just because you have boobs and then still expect a man to open all your doors and pull your chair out for you. It's a double standard. Like the ad.

Women have reached the top in so many fields - industry, military, arts, etc - and yet we still feel threatened by the emptiness of the names that things have. We insist on labels which are gender non-specific or feminine and what we fail to realise is that by doing this, we draw more attention to our differences rather than to our similarities.

It's a situation that makes me chuckle even as it frustrates and annoys me.

Until next time...

World at our Feet!

There's an interesting trend that I've noticed through my travels on Facebook... Almost all the people I went to school with now live around the world, with a small percentage still living local (like me) :-) I'm not sure if it's something new for our generation or if it's just more noticeable due to social media. You see, with our parents and grandparents, the chances were that when they left school or college or perhaps left a company where they worked, they would have lost touch with each other or at least, most of them would have. Some - close friends - would have stayed in touch through potentially ever decreasing quantities of letters and cards or perhaps not. Things are a little different with our generation... and it's changing things for the generations above us too!

Let us examine social media like Facebook and Twitter, even MySpace. They allow us to grab glimpses into the lives of people that we knew. Sometimes these glimpses are as brief as the flashes you'd get between passing train carriages, offering us an incomplete image of the person on the other side. Other times, people are too happy to park us outside their front window and share absolutely everything with us. Either way, we are able to search for names from our past and peep in on them at random. Perhaps we go along "adding" people to our Facebook friends list - often forgetting that there are people on there that we wouldn't want privy to our secrets and day-to-day lives. It also makes it glaringly apparent that many of our "friends" have (with apologies) "Boldly Gone Where Many Have Gone Before".

Some left when we were still at school, boldly carving out new lives for themselves after their parents whims have dragged them around the world. Others couldn't wait for that last Matric exam before they were throwing darts at a map. A few chose to Au pair or study briefly overseas, only to fall in love - with either a person or the country or simply the lifestyle. At any rate, seeing "UK", "Canada", "Switzerland", "Mexico", "Brazil", etc, etc as their "home cities" certainly brings home to those of us back here, that we're still here. The question is this... were we left behind or did we choose to stay?

I can only speak for myself... and I chose to stay. I love my friends, my home, my family and the environment in which I find myself. Don't get me wrong, I would be happy to live overseas, but I would never do it without my family around me. Do I feel as if I've missed out? No. I made a choice to live the life I live and although I loved the year I spent overseas (yes, I did it too... 6 months with family there too and 6 months alone), I am loving the experiences I've had in my own back yard. So, no, I don't feel as if I've missed out. Sometimes though, I wonder what it must be like to live their lives. Like getting to try on a character in a movie :-) But it never feels real. I live in Cape Town and I love this town. There isn't anything better than the diversity of being able to get from the beach to the farmlands in under an hour or disappear into the mountains for a healthy retreat. This city is a vacation destination of note, but far more than that, it's my home. The place where my blood moves at the right speed and the very dust motes in the air are familiar.

And if I ever feel as if I need to do something different? No problem, I can experience the world vicariously through the talented and wonderful eyes of my Facebook friends. It's something that older generations are embracing each day and although the world continues to shrink second by second, it's now totally at our feet!

Until next time...

Wash, Rinse, Repeat if required...

Ok, so at first glance, this may seem like the simple instructions on the back of the shampoo bottle aaaaaaaaand... you'd be right. BUT, they are also a fairly simple instruction for life and dealing with some of what it throws at you. How? Well... I'll tell you.

You see, so many times, life throws obstacles in our way. They're designed to trip us up or throw us off course, but it doesn't need to be that way at all. It is always possible to find away to either go around it or survive it! Don't believe me? Well... suffice it to say that I've had my fair share of rough "road tests", but I'm still here. So... what do I recommend? Well, it would be nice if there was a general purpose "band aid" solution to all the problems life could throw at you, but there simply isn't. There are however ways that you can prepare for the unexpected.

Ok... there are your general problems. These would be things like not getting that dream job, gaining a few extra kilograms, or your best friend making a move on the guy you like (but didn't tell her about). These things can hurt you, sometimes even lay you flat, but I promise it's not going to kill you. What you need to do is allow yourself a short period of time to mourn, be pissed off, get mad, whatever you need to do. Then, take a bit of time to recover and - here's the pertinent part - GET OVER IT!! If necessary, repeat step 1 (mad, sad, etc) and then ... stop. See... Wash, Rinse, Repeat (if required).

You're wondering if this will work with the bigger stuff? Well - sure. Don't believe me? Ok. So what would be the "big stuff"? Boyfriend cheated on you with his ex? Best friend moved in on your recent ex and married him? Boss is a total bitch who emotionally destroyed you until you quit your job? People you trusted have cut you out of their lives and treated you like dirt? Would that about cover it? You guess? Well, if you're not sure... Ok, so we're agreed that this would be the big stuff. Is it going to hurt you? Well, sure. Probably badly, but let me tell you a little secret. It definitely won't kill you. How can I be so sure? Well, some of these "big things" that I listed are things that I've been through personally and I won't lie. They hurt. Badly. But I'm still here and I'm actually stronger than before. No kidding.

You see... the best way to prepare yourself for the unexpected is to be sure of what YOU expect from people and life and yourself and also what YOU would like people to remember about you. Sound complicated? Not really. I always refer to it as behaving like an adult instead of like a petulant, spoilt child. And that isn't really always that easy. Basically, how you choose to deal with something will dictate how your brain processes it and how your emotions will handle it. I'm not kidding. Someone cheating on you does not require you to scream and shout and throw things. That is something we see in the movies and that doesn't make it right. Are any of those reactions going to change what happened? No. I'm not suggesting that you not be mad, just that you handle things in a rational, grown up way. Telling the person how you feel in clear, succinct manner will be just as effective and ultimately.... it kinda makes the other person feel worse. They know they've hurt you, but when you're almost nice about it, it's worse!

At the end of the day, you can walk away from any of these situations having expressed yourself as strongly as is needed without losing the core of your self-respect! How does it help you? Well, by NOT losing your cool and freaking out, you actually entitle yourself to be "ok". To get over it a bit quicker and easier and you don't raise your blood pressure through the roof. You still need to go through the stages... Be angry, be totally p'd off, be sad, be heartbroken or simply broken and that stage will take as long as it will take. But then you need to "rinse" and move on! Months down the line, not only do you respect yourself, but chances are that the people around you will respect you too and they may even learn from you.

If this seems a bit complicated... Then there's a song for you that you can adapt to fit what you need... "I'm going to wash that (insert here) right out of my hair" :-).

Until next time...

4th July 2010

Where flies the flag of freedom,
Turn your head and we’ll be there.
We’re the soldiers who stand between you
And a world that isn’t fair.

We stand here shoulder to shoulder,
Our arms we bear with pride.
We know this too we shall overcome,
For our brothers are by our side.

So as you celebrate your freedoms,
With your barbeques and good cheer.
We’re standing on the frontlines,
Just remember we’re still here.

And when at night you go to sleep,
Unafraid and safe in bed.
Remember it’s we who face the dark,
Who face the danger in your stead.

So each day let’s thank the soldiers,
And all other armed forces too.
They’re the ones to whom you owe it all,
They’ve secured it all for you.

©Jo Originals - July 2010

(any unauthorised use is a copyright infringement)

On Writers and Writing...

I'm about to make a confession...

I am a ... reader!

Anyone who has seen the walls of floor to ceiling books in my home will testify to the fact that this is hardly a surprising revelation. In fact, it has nearly come between me and men in my life. I simply could never have a lifetime relationship with someone who doesn't love to read. They don't need to be quite as "taken" with it as I am, but they certainly need to understand the compulsion that can send you into a bookshop on pay day only to emerge several hours later a little high on the fumes of "new book" smell, clutching your purchases (only the truly disciplined can come out with only one book) close to your chest as you hurry home (cursing traffic) and settle yourself comfortably on the sofa with a beverage and book. You emerge hours later from a world far more diverse than your own or perhaps just the same, but with Jimmy Choo's, Champagne breakfasts and an endless supply of glitz and glamour.

I don't know where my passion for books began. I suspect it started with well-read bedtime stories lovingly presented to my young and impressionable mind by parents who both loved the escapism and education offered by the written word. There truly is no lesson you cannot learn, or any destination you cannot escape to with a book! Not all passionate readers are writers and not all writers are passionate readers, but I feel sure that you cannot have one without the other in some measure... At least... I can't. For me, they're intertwined too closely to be separated.

Words have magical powers all of their own and to be able to move people with your words, is a gift. From a love of reading, often comes a desire to write, to leave something "more" behind. The desire to be a writer and to move others with your words. Almost from the minute I learnt how to recognise letters, how letters arranged and re-arranged themselves into words and the puzzle of the partnerships between the words, the magic of the written word had me totally enthralled. I wrote many stories - more bad then good, I'm sure - and then I added poetry to my repertoire. I was only 9 or 10 so you can imagine that the subject material wasn't too complex, but I loved the sense of satisfaction in completion, of conveying an emotion or image to the reader - even if it was just my Mom :-)

As time passed, I kept writing, I couldn't help it. It was an addiction of sorts. A rush if you like. I was asked once, "Why do you write?" There is no simple answer. I'm sure for everyone it's different. For me, it's something that I can't avoid, even if I wanted to (which I most certainly don't!)... You see, the words are in my head waiting. They don't know if they're destined to be part of a poem, a short story, a blog or a letter, but they're always there, whispering seductively to my subconscious. I know this because words have almost always been there when I need them... I open my mind and let them flow and there they are. As if I planned them to be 'just so' the whole time.

People write for a multitude of reasons. We write to be read. We write because we have something to say. We write to make money. We write to incite, to inspire, to apologise, to mollify, to educate or to raise awareness. Sometimes, we write simply to escape. We write for a thousand reasons, but mostly - if we're honest - we write to be heard. To leave some small part of ourselves behind.

So... I'm working on the novel. Between 1 500 - 3 000 words in a session! I'm lead by the characters in my imagination, appearing almost fully formed in the swirling words that reside there. Words that swirl and form and then disappear, only to reappear in other sentences, in other paragraphs, breeding more and more words as we go. More than 30 000 words in, I have no idea where this journey will take me. It may take me on a grand adventure or end up simply being something I've accomplished in life. Either way, the answer to the question "why do you write?" is simple for me...

...I write because I'm a writer. It's who I am, not what I do.

Until next time...

In Praise of Cupcakes

Well... it has to be said that cupcakes are easily one of the best party foods ever devised. In fact, I'd be prepared to say that they're one of the best "anytime" foods ever devised! Having now successfully passed over the speed wobble that is the "annual aging" day, I can take some time to share my love of cupcakes with you... my birthday cupcakes in particular!

Having postponed the actual birthday party thanks to an impromptu drought brought on by a burst pipe, I decided NOT to postpone the Lemon & Lime Cupcakes with Margarita Icing! Sound really yummy don't they? I have to say that I can't disagree... mostly 'cos I got to eat them! There are loads of recipes for this kind of cupcake online, but I have to say that I used my "own" recipe to a large degree and because I'm a generous soul... I promise I will share it with you all! I do not claim to have invented any of this, merely combined various recipes that I have used for the past 20 years or more!

I see you all looking for the recipe. Where are the ingredients? How do you do it? Well - you haven't lost the plot... I haven't posted it in this message. I'm going to be baking again in 2 weeks and I will post the recipes WITH PICS after that! I'm sure you can be patient just a little longer :-)

In the meantime... I hope that you all had a fabulous Valentine's Day and that the week ahead is looking great!

Until next time...

Of Crime and Criminals

You know, I'm the first to admit that we have a lot of crime in SA. I'm only to happy to tell you that some cities are worse than others. What makes me mad though is when someone complains about the crime and them admits to committing a crime in the same breath!!!

A conversation took place recently on a social networking platform in which someone bemoaned the bad news that we're bombarded with by a specific television program. All we seem to hear about is corruption and crime and all the other "good" things this country has to offer. Several people agreed and offered the sage advice... don't watch it then. Up until this point it was all good.

Then someone commented that there is so much corruption in this country and that there needs to be some accountability... before blithely going on to state that they had recently had to pay a corrupt police officer a large amount of money as a bribe. They were outraged at the amount he'd asked for and eventually managed to get away with paying him a mere fraction of the requested amount.

I'm going to pause while you take that in.

Of course, if you're a logical, law-abiding citizen, the first question that you're going to ask yourself now is this:

If this person did nothing wrong then why would they be having to pay a bribe in the first place?
What law did they break to allow a corrupt policeman the opening to bribe them?
Why not report the policeman to a higher authority and simply take their punishment for their own crime?

The truth is that they would NOT have been bribed if they had done NOTHING wrong. If they were cornered by a corrupt officer threatening to make something up, they should have reported it. They did not. Instead, they congratulate themselves - publicly for successfully paying less!!!

This is someone who not only broke the law twice, but then bragged about it while trying to sound suitably hard done by and put out. They also enabled another criminal to continue with their own crimes and did nothing to stop it. This means that they are a HUGE part of the problem and NOT the solution in this country.

EVERY law should be obeyed and enforced, no matter how big or small. Jay-walking is against the law and should be punished. I know it may sound ridiculous, but how can you expect to win the war against thieves, thugs, murderers, extortionists and rapists if you allow people to break all the so-called "small" laws?

Until next time...

Mexican Party Time

It's nearly time for that wonderful annual aging event... the birthday! This year, the them is Mexican. Odd, considering I live in South Africa and I absolutely loathe tequila (I'm sorry, it smells vile and tastes like I'd imaging boiled 6 week old socks would taste). Not so odd considering I really enjoy the idea of making your own food with wraps and ingredients. It's also a fantastic opportunity to experiment with something new... Margarita Cupcakes!

I'm not going to bore you with the recipe, purely because I'm using my own cupcake recipe and I'm going to play with the icing... if it works, I'll post it in a post-party blog... with pics! If you're in a hurry to know how to make them yourself, the blogosphere is full of fabulous recipes which inspired me to have a go.

The props for the evening have all been purchased, with the exception of limes, lemons and the food lol. I have a sombrero... flaming red and bought at a craft and packaging shop of all places! Some dried red chillies for decor (same shop), some mexican confetti (from a stationer) and some fabulous chilli print serviettes (craft place again). I also found some marvelous lime green candles and bought some orange ones just for fun!

Now all I need is the food ingredients, the drinks ingredients and the time to put it all together :-) Oh, may even purchase some tea light candles and have some great brown paper bags to dot around the place... Should be fun :-)

Until next time...

Surviving Soccer in SA - World Cup 2010

I'm going to start off by admitting that I don't follow soccer / football. At all. I only recognise David Beckham due to a certain amount of ever exposure in the media :-) However, one thing I am very much aware of is the fact that so many visitors will be travelling to South Africa in support of their favourite team / player. I'm not going to lie and say that it's not a logistical nightmare on some level, but more troubling is the absolute riot of misconceptions that people have about our country.

So? Well, over the next few months - and possibly during the World Cup as well - I'm going to blog about what is going on around here... from my point of view!!

Some general information to begin with....

• Yes, there is crime... No, it's not as bad as it's made out to be!
• There may well be problems with things such as vehicle hire, air travel etc. Prices may be high and it's important to book as early as possible to ensure that you don't hit a snag.
• There aren't always trains to everywhere you might want to go... For example, in Cape Town, the Stadium is some distance from the train station. However, there is a new bus service that will take you from a to b.
• Be sensible about your valuables. It's no different to being at home ... but we'll cover advice in a future blog.

Finally for today... a request. Please respect our wildlife and people and don't leave anything more behind you than a memory.

Until next time....